A Faded Memory

7//Old Habits Die Hard

*TRIGGER WARNING*

"Maisie! Let me in!" Mackenzie screams desperately.

Like hell I'll let her in, I'd rather sign my life off to the devil than let her in to see the mess I'd created.

"No!" I cry, my voice full of emptiness.

My eyes bore into the dull, broken, blue eyes staring at me in the mirror. Bloodshot red eyes. My dull, tear stained eyes then fall down to my arms, the mess I created. Drops of fresh blood threaten to fall from the freshly made cuts on my arms. My eyes then of course fall down to my thighs, what was a few more markings?

I jump as the door bursts open and I scream in pain as my feet hit the bloody, tiled floor.

"Why Maisie? Why?" Mackenzie cries.

"What did you expect from me Kenz? I just can't do this anymore," I reply staring blankly into my sisters now broken gaze.

"I thought you were the strong one Mae, hopeful that she'd be found. What happened to that girl?" Mackenzie asks, a tear threatening to fall from her face.

I look away and out at the moon. 

"I... I just c-can't anymore," I stutter.

"Can't what?" She asks, with a hint of worry evident.

"Be strong anymore, be the only one in this messed up family that cares about Madalyn!" I scream right in her face.

"I get it dad left, a lot of dads leave their families. It's normal," Mackenzie says. Oh boy is she walking on thin ice now.

"He cheated on her with a new woman every night Mackenzie! That's not normal!" I hiss. My breathing pattern changes to short, but deep breaths.

"No, it was with his secretary," Mackenzie replies, thinking she is little miss know-it-all.

"Mum lied to protect your feelings Kenz. You're the golden child, she does anything to make sure you view her as the perfect mother. Wake up to it!" I say with a smirk.

I forgot to mention, she thinks mum loves us all equally. She doesn't, Madalyn and I saw through the façade a few years back.

"No! You're lying!" Mackenzie screams, trying to fight the tears.

"The sooner you wake up and see the truth the better. She's brainwashed you to think like this," I explain.

"No!" She cries, "you're lying, this is just a bad dream. Time to wake up now Kenzie."

"It's reality honey, you'll feel better once you've accepted how it really is I promise," I smile.

Well my mood has changed hasn't it? But how long is it until I fall through the cracks again?

"Why do you do this sis?" Mackenzie asks, directing at my arms and legs.

"You've heard the saying old habits die hard right? Well, there was a time when I was really depressed. It was when I'd seen it how it really is actually, I fell into this depressed state. I'd heard people at school say they do it and I'd think how could someone do that to themselves? I see how now, for people like me it's like a feeling of release. Like for some people, getting drunk or high to forget their problems and be happy is theirs," I explain, choosing my words carefully.

"Oh," is all she replies with, she's lost for words completely.

With that she walks out, almost silently. I found it comforting, yet scary at the same time. Mackenzie is unpredictable, her silence could mean absolutely anything right now and I mean anything you can possibly imagine.

My thoughts are abruptly cut off by a high pitched scream. I run to the location of the screams, despite my own state. Of course those little fuckers had come back again. Spiders, Mackenzie is terrified of them. Even the daddy long legs.

"Are you trying to give the house a heart attack!?" I yell, my frustration clearly evident.

"No, but that thing is giving me one," she screams.

Why couldn't it be a more rational fear? Mackenzie is the reason we can't go camping, oh and mum's got a thing against not being able to use a 'proper' toilet. Dad used to take Madalyn and I camping but not anymore since he cheated on mum. He doesn't deserve the title of being a father anymore, in my opinion.

My family is messed up, Madalyn and I were the only sane ones left in this house. Were the only ones. Now there's not one piece of true sanity left in this house. I've come to admit to myself that I have lost the plot yet again. Again? Yes again I lost it a lot when I was young if either Madalyn or I didn't get our way. We were basically showered in money okay? What do you expect?

I head back to my room wondering what the point even is anymore. I just feel like  there's nothing to really live for at this point in time.

I plonk myself onto the bed, looking at my locked door. I open my messages and open my messages with Shae.

Me: Hey.
Shae: Hey. What's up?
Me: Just wondering what the point is anymore.
Shae: The point in what?
Me: Living.
Shae: There's plenty to live for darl.
Me: Such as?
Shae: Me, your family, my family, the future, Madalyn.
Me: My future is darker than a black hole. I've got no hope.
Shae: Are we gonna go through this depression and suicidal phase again?
Me: Something like that.
Shae: On second thought, you need a therapist Mae.
Me: Is it that obvious??
Shae: Yep, I've been researching some local ones for you.
Me: Really Shae?
Shae: Yup.
Me: On second thoughts, thanks for your wisdom. I'm fine now.
Shae: Yep, perfectly fine.
Me: Mhm. Bye!
Shae: Bye I guess.

A therapist is just what I need. No, I just need my sister back and I'd be fine. Perfectly fine, wouldn't be any better if she just came home.

I just need a temporary distraction from life. I open up Wattpad and choose a book from my library. Hmm Vampires Pet looks interesting enough. I finished the one that Madalyn had wanted me to read already and boy was that a long four books, nearly two hundred chapters all up man.

I fall into the magical world of fiction and mentally fall into the main character Khloe's character.