Solving for Ex

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

she did not seem to have a thought of fear

 

The next morning, I practically bounced down the stairs. I’d spent all of last night thinking about how I’d ask Brendan. I’d carefully folded the shirt in a variety of combinations, trying to see which one would be easiest to casually whip out of my bag and hand to him. I finally decided on rolling it up, because then I could hold it in one hand, and it would take him no time at all to unroll it to look at it, and laugh and smile about it. It would be less like he was unwrapping a present and more like he was reading a note casually passed to him in class. More like friends and less like boyfriend and girlfriend.

Right. Because that was exactly what I wanted. Smooth move, Ashley.

Whatever. This was going to be easy. It was Monday, a Mathletes day, and I’d meet Brendan after his last class, walk to the auditorium with him, and help him set up. That was when I’d ask him.

“Mathletes tonight, right?” Aunt Kristin asked as she passed me the milk to pour on my cereal.  I couldn’t chew fast enough this morning, even though I was half-dreading going to school. I answered through a mouth full of shredded wheat, too anxious to care.

“Yeah. Brendan’s driving me home, though.” I couldn’t believe the little smile that crept across my face when I said it. Even I knew I looked smug. But between the mad performance I was about to give at Mathletes practice tonight and that awesome shirt, he wouldn’t be able to resist.

My stomach churned a little more with each class bell that rang. I even avoided Brendan at lunchtime, hiding out in the library instead. I wanted to give his buddies—one of whom was hopefully not Sofia—the chance to do all their stupid talking and back-patting then, instead of at the beginning of Mathletes, which is when I wanted to catch him.

Also, I was feeling pretty sick by that point. But whatever. In the back of the library, I whipped out my compact and spoke into it, practicing how I’d sit, how I’d hold my hands, how I’d bat my eyes, how I’d smile. I even practiced swinging my backpack around to my side, unzipping it without fumbling, and pulling out the shirt design side up.

I so had this in the bag.

At the end of my last class, I tried to look casual and pack up my stuff quietly ahead of the bell. I knew it annoyed the crap out of Mrs. Helmsley, but I didn’t care. Thank God there was no one in this class I typically walked the halls with. I stopped by my locker to slide my History and English textbooks inside, and to swipe on some lip gloss, checking the little mirror right inside the door and admiring the cute sweater I’d picked that morning.

I strode down the hall at a fast clip. I seriously felt like everyone I passed was stepping out of the way. Like I was Moses and all these kids were the Sea of Reeds. The universe was smiling on me, that was for sure.

Brendan stepped out of his classroom—he had Biology last period. It was like he was moving in slow motion. I didn’t know if it was because I wanted to ask him, or because he just looked that good, but his jeans and his light blue T-shirt fit him particularly nicely today.

When his eyes met mine, that smile that made me all melty spread across his face, and I had to command my heart to stop wanting to fly out of my chest. When I reached him, though, instead of sweeping me up in a bear hug like he normally would, he just slung one arm around my shoulders. He didn’t press a kiss to the top of my head, like I’d envisioned he would so many times last night. Like he did at the beginning and end of every day. And then, he looked down at me and said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, “Hey, kid.”