My Life is a Silent Hurricane

Chapter Seven- It hurts to eat...

I'm up, dressed, and ready for a relaxing weekend. Now I'm in the kitchen, staring down a piece of toast. Reluctantly, I pick it up and take a small bite.

After finishing the piece of toast, I feel queasy and my stomach feels like it could burst at any moment. I walk up to my room. I start to think. I realize that my 13th birthday is in three days. I wonder if I'll cut on my birthday. I think of the cake that my mom is sure to bake. I think of the birthday breakfast, probably French toast, and the birthday dinner. Thousands of calories going into my already fat body. I promise myself that I won't eat a single bite of food or drink anything but water until my birthday. I also promise myself that I'll skip lunch on birthday, but I'll allow myself the rest.

The doctor has decided to do weekly weigh-ins, because in her eyes I'm "dangerously underweight". Whatever. This time, as she has me step on the scale, she says "Why won't you eat?"

I say "Because I'm fat," and she sighs.

"Fifty one pounds. You're losing weight." She informs me, and inside my head I'm cheering for myself. Losing weight!!

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3 days later, I wake up and stretch, my stomach gurgling loudly, reminding me that I kept my promise of not eating until today. I plod down the stairs to breakfast, and, sure enough, my mom is cooking French toast. It smells delicious. "Want some?" She asks, pointing to the steaming platter of French toast.

"Sure!! Yum!!" I say.

As I eat, my stomach gurgles and clenches painfully. I ignore it and finish two thick, whipped cream topped slices. Then I head up to my bedroom, where my stomach triple flips again. I go into the bathroom and start to cry. Then, for the first time, I stick my finger down my throat and throw it up. My stomach feels better being empty again. I brush my teeth 5 times to get rid of the smell.

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Later, after throwing up dinner and forcing a small slice of cake to stay down, I'm sitting on the floor of the living room, with a package sitting in front of me. "Open it!" My older sister says.

"Okay." I tear at the packaging. I had three presents. One was full of clothes, one had a new bed set in it- a plush reversible one; one side grey plaid, the other a swirly light pink pattern- and I'm about to open the 3rd. I pull open the wrapping paper- and nearly pass out with excitement and shock when I see what it is.