Sander Sides Archive

The Arc of Anxiety

Fanfic Bootcamp Rank: Commander
Word Count: 1188
Where is Canon Changed?: This part starts at roughly 7:45 in Accepting Anxiety Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good? | Thomas Sanders. Slight actions are changed slightly starting at 7:51, but the main canon is altered dramatically starting at 8:02. Video is linked above for better context.
~
"WAS THAT GOOD?!" Roman asked, his voice loud and shaky. "DID I DO GOOD?"

"I'm gonna cry." Patton whined, a pain to his tone. "I just don't want to lose any of you."

"Yerkes-Dodson!" Logan added, circling the HIGH end of the curve with a red marker. All three of their faces were marked with black eyeshadow underneath their eyes.

"Uh oh ..." Anxiety muttered, trying to keep a cool and collected face and failing.

"Uh, What the heck is going on?" Thomas wondered aloud, glancing at all the aspects of his personality before directing his attention to a panicked Anxiety. His hand gripped the banister so tightly his knuckles began to turn red.

"These guys have all been in this corner of your mind for too long. It's corrupting them." Anxiety explained, his voice getting deeper and more sinister. "All their main functions are starting to work to drive you far over the other end of that curve."

"What?!" Thomas exclaimed. Anxiety only nodded, trying to focus himself and not lose the last rational side they had. "Well ... what do we do?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!" Anxiety boomed, making Thomas jump back. He'd never heard Anxiety in that tone before. Was ... was his own room corrupting him? Thomas glanced at Anxiety once more, who was trying to focus on his breathing. He paused however, and looked at Thomas with hope in his eyes. "We need to get them and you out of here."

"What about you?" Thomas protested. "I'm not leaving you behind! We need you Anxiety."

"Don't worry, I'll still be there. Now, just remember what you learned. Breathe in for four seconds." Thomas followed Anxiety instructions, and watched as Logic sank out with a blissful smile on his face. "Hold your breath for seven seconds." He again listened. Morality snorted as he, too, sunk out of Anxiety's room. "Now breathe out for eight seconds." Thomas heard a little wistful sigh from Roman as he exhaled, the creative side sinking out.

"Keep it up, Thomas. That's good. Keep going." Anxiety ensured, as Thomas repeated the steps and began to sink out. "Wait!"

"What is it?" Thomas popped back up, forgetting the situation at hand.

"Virgil." Anxiety said, before elaborating with Thomas's questioning look. "My name is Virgil."

"I like that name. Thank you, Anxiety."

"Yeah, Whatever. Now go. 4, 7, 8. 4, 7, 8." Thomas closed his eyes, listening to those numbers as he officially sank out.

~•~

Thomas opened his eyes to appear at his living room again. Logan, Roman, and Patton also appeared looking startled at the sudden change in scenery. Roman even muttered an okay when appearing once more. Anxiety was still nowhere to be seen.

"Well, that seemed to solve absolutely nothing." Roman stated dramatically. "Where's All Time Low now?"

"Did our encouragement not have an ... impact on him?" Patton asked, tears beginning to well in his eyes.

"Of course not, Patton." Thomas assured. "It's just ... he thinks you guys are better off if he does not manifest a physical presence anymore. He knows how much harm he causes and figures that maybe, just maybe, he's better off in the wings than the spotlight."

"Thomas, care to enlighten us on how you managed to arrive at this conclusion." Logan inquired.

"He's a part of me. I just ... know. I guess." Thomas looked at the empty spot by the stairs, and his eyes widened. "I have to go back for him."

"Thomas, it's too risky!!" Logan urged, but his continued protests fell on deaf ears. Thomas still closed his eyes, trying to think anxious thoughts. A performance in front of thousands of people, looking up at a huge rollercoaster, losing one of his friends. Everything. But yet, when he opened them he was still in his normal living room.

"It's not working." Thomas panicked. "No, it can't end like this!"

"I can't seem to access that part of the mind either." Patton spoke softly.

"Well, if Padre over here can't get in then how are we possibly going to get Anxiety back?" Roman asked, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

"I hypothesize that we did, in fact, accomplish what we set out to achieve." Logan explained, pulling up a laptop. "Let me elaborate."

"Um, Logan, why does it look like you're about to ... throw the laptop?" Thomas asked, getting into a defensive. Hands out on instinct if Logan did actually throw it. Logic smiled, putting the laptop down. Out of sight, out of mind.

"See? He's more cautious and observant of his surroundings. There's a sense of danger and fear in him that wasn't prevalent when Anxiety had ducked out."

"So wait ... you're saying that Shinedown over here is still here when he's not here?" Roman asked.

"Precisely, Princey." Logan concluded. "He has a figurative presence rather than a physical one."

"My head hurts from all this." Thomas commented, rubbing his temples.

"Honestly, mood." Roman agreed.

"Anxiety liked to say that." Patton piped up.

"Virgil." Thomas whispered, making all three of his facets of his personality currently present turn toward his direction.

"What was that, Thomas?" Roman wondered.

"Mind repeating yourself there, kiddo?" Patton agreed.

"Before ... before I sunk out of Anxiety's room, he told me his name. It was Virgil."

"Virgil." Logan echoed. "Such a fitting name for someone so ... vigilant."

"I want to hug him." Patton sighed, before raising his voice. "I didn't want this to happen! I want my dark strange son back!"

"I'd never thought I'd say this, but I do too, Patton." Roman said. "He may have been a royal pain to this royal but ... looking to that empty spot on the stairway just doesn't feel right." Thomas glanced once more at the empty stairs and smiled grimly.

"I don't like the silence." Logan contributed. "And I'm usually an advocate of quiet time."

"Yeah. It feels weird without Anx...Virgil." Thomas corrected. "Without Virgil to toss a sarcastic comment or ground us when we need it. Just you three now. I don't know how I feel about it."

"I'm sorry but I can't!" Patton blurted out. "I can't look at that empty space anymore. Too many painful reminders of who isn't here." Patton wiped his eyes free of the tears that began to form as he sank out.

"I ... this is unusual for me. I don't have anything to say in regards to this." Logan said, sinking out as well. Roman didn't say a word, only nodded as he sunk down. Leaving Thomas alone. He once more looked at Virgil's usual spot before trying to look up at his forehead.

"Hey, I know you can hear me." He whispered, trying to speak to the last part of his personality. The part that gave him shame and nerves and hesitation. The part with killer eyeshadow and a snark hidden in his black sweatshirt. "Thank you .. for you did. For saving them. I wish you could have saved yourself as well, but you did what you had to do. I understand that. Just don't hide away again. Promise?"

There was no answer. There never would be one. Not again.