mistake >> lumark

10

NOVEMBER 1ST 2018

hello journal,

it's been over three months since I've written to you journal. I know wendy told me it was a good thing to write down my feelings and situation but I didn't really feel the need to when I had her sessions to talk about everything.

i completely took everything that was lucas' out of my apartment, I erased all our pictures, just everything. there's no trace of him.

I ended up finding out he moved back to hong kong. I also found out that jungwoo didn't stay loyal of course, after a month after all that page drama happened with me and he was official with lucas, he was caught cheating with some guy named doyoung or something. so im guessing that's why lucas moved.

as for me, I've taken time to myself and realize something really important..

lucas didn't love me.

what he did wasn't a mistake.

he might have loved me in the beginning, but throughout most of our relationship, he didn't love me.

I told myself that to hold on to the little hope that we can still make it work but he didn't want it to work and I can see that now.

if he loved me, he wouldn't think once about cheating on me and he did.

no matter how much I loved him, he didn't love me and that's.. okay.

it's okay because I learned to live without him. I don't need him like I needed him before.

donghyuck and jeno are doing fine too, they visit me very often and jeno even got himself a boyfriend, his name is jaemin and he's really nice. us 4 hang out a lot.

I still text daniel a lot since our first meeting. he's actually super nice and understood the pain I was going through so he was extremely helpful.

he actually asked me if I would like to grab some coffee with him today and maybe go to the movies so I told him sure.

I think it's a date? nah.

well I have to get ready! daniel said he's gonna pick me up in an hour so I gotta look nice.

goodbye journal, thank you so much for everything because mentally you were there for me when I couldn't count on others.

I'll be fine from now on, so I won't be talking to you but again thank you.

he didn't love him,

now I also don't love him.

"life goes on, it's too short to be dwelling on something that doesn't deserve the slightest bit of attention."

- M.L♡