Redemption

If only...

Ishita stared at the image on her phone, the one Raman had sent to her to hurt her. Yes, he had been successful. Tears of hurt and guilt flowed profusely from her eyes. She repeatedly blinked her eyelids hoping that what she saw would go away as some hallucination but no.. that image stayed rock solid before her.
And in those moments of pain, she realised how messed up things had become. His only love in life was leading on path to destruction and yet when she could see it all, little she could do anything to stop the inevitable to happen.
This could be Raman's doom.
If only she could hand over his Adi to him, things would return to what they were. If it was in her hands, she would have snatched him from the clutches of death, but she knew she could not make that happen. And though she was the one who sent him through the gates of death, try as she may she could never get him back.
His Aditya. His son by heart. She placed her hand at her heart and closed her eyes. The images of Adi's life flashing across. If only she would have been allowed a chance to speak to him, she would have asked, no, begged for his forgiveness.
"I am so sorry Aditya. I am so sorry. Please forgive your Ishimaa." Her heart mumbling as if he would hear.
It had been seven months, but yet something inside her kept on telling her that His Adi was always close to her. She would often sense his presence. Sometimes he would see him smiling at her from a distance. While her conscious mind shrugged these images as hallucinations, a more irrational mind would find solace in believing that he indeed was here.

So she would repeat these words at every instance, " I am sorry Adi. Please forgive me. I didnot kill you. I never wanted to. How could I kill you. You were my lifeline, my comfort, my support. The way you said Ishimaa and related me the details of your day.. they were my stress busters. And though everyone said that I loved Ruhi more but deep down I knew I could not pick one favourite. You three completed me. Aditya, Ruhi and Pihu... but now Aditya no more..."
She sat there crying, not knowing for how long till the call from the driver came to confirm that Raman was finally home.
A kind of relief passed through her nerves as it meant Raman was not with that girl. That all this was another plot hatched by him to hurt her. But still this relief was short lived as she again realised the gravity of the situation. If not today, then some other day. This pretence might become a reality sometime in future and her insides burnt at such thoughts.
And again with all her heart and soul she muttered, "I am so sorry Aditya. I could never explain to you how much I loved you. And I am so sorry for creating this mess. If only I could have another face to face conversation with you, I would explain myself. I would ask for repentance. Raman is torn between love for you and me. By hurting me he feels he is being loyal to your soul. But I know this is not the right way to hurt me. This distance between us is enough punishment for me. He doesn't need to stoop so low to hurt me. I can see the advent of his devastation, as I could see yours the day you met Roshini in London, but I chose to ignore it. I failed to protect you Aditya. I am so sorry."

"Whatever happened between you and Roshini was a weak moment. The only mistake you committed was to give in to that weakness. And my Aditya was strong. I knew he would never give in to temptation. He would choose the right path. But you proved me wrong Adi. That day when you held Roshini as captive, ready to attack her with that acid, you were not my Aditya. It seemed some monster had taken the place of my Aditya. I just wanted to kill that monster and get back my Aditya. But that killed you as well. The time when I held you in my arms, when I looked in your eyes, I could see my Aditya was back. But he was all covered in blood. And I am the culprit. I did get a glimpse of my Aditya that time. I knew the monster was gone and now my Aditya was back. But you also went with that monster. I am so sorry, son. Your ishima failed to protect you. Your ishima let you down. Sorry Aditya."

And with all these thoughts making waves in her mind, sleep slowly overcame her senses.
Ishita preferred calling him Aditya, as opposed to all others who addressed him by his nickname. In school and college also, most of his friends would address him as Adi. But his Ishima. He would get that deep blush whenever he heard his name from Ishima'a mouth... ADITYA.. She knew that too.
Unlike Ruhi, her relationship with Aditya was a little different. With Ruhi she had been all love and pampering. But with Adi it was different.
He was one love starved child. She saw how torn he was between the love for his parents. He chose one and hated the other. He hated the fact that he would never get a normal household like his other friends. That his parents would never get back together.
Slowly, he had come to accept Ishita's relationship with his father.
From hatred it had turned to tolerance. But still there was a huge rift, that she knew existed between their hearts and she would have to cover it all alone.
She did succeed. In the beginning, Adi stood at the end of the rift, with his back towards Ishita. But slowly step by step, an inch by inch he had budged from his stance. First, He had turned around to see her coming. Acknowledging her journey to his heart. And then he had moved one step ahead and with that one step covered all the gap in their hearts. The day he called her Ishimaa. She had felt complete that time. As if all hopes and all the desires from life had been fulfilled. There was nothing else she could wish for more.
What began as acceptance slowly grew up as respect, then love and later understanding and trust.
Yes, her relationship with Aditya soon progressed to one with understanding and trust. She would understand him and he, in turn, trusted her completely.