Yaoi Book Of Smut And Fluff

Don't Look Down

• second note! How did ya like the first one shot? Was it any good? Well anyway, this one shot is cannon again! Damn I haven't done any that are just random yet, I thought I would by now. Sorry this ones shorter I was sick and still am so my one shots may be super bad. Also, I love Shay man! He's my little bean. My teenage, depressed, gay bean! I really love theirs to tho, maybe more then Hasely and Lee? What do y'all think? Put in the comments who's better!•

*their is mention of suicide, self harm, and anorexia in this one. This is a heavy one shot and if your not okay with that, skip this*

>word count 3794 w/o author shit<
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I gulped as i stood at the edge of the building, a large knot formed in my throat and my stomach flipped tricks. It was a long way down, 30 stories to be exact. easily enough to do what i needed of it without issue. My knees where shaky and i feared i would fall, why i was so fucking scared, i didn't know. That was the exact reason i came up here, to end my miserable life before it could get any worse, but now that i stood here, in my dark blue suit and the tie that was a little too tight, i couldn't seem to force myself to go through with it. Was i scared it would hurt? Maybe, but that didn't feel right. I had grown used to pain over the many years of slashing my wrists and thighs, this would just be another instance upon the stack of others, except this one would be better. Maybe it was the fear of what my parents would think of me. that didn't sound right either, they had abandoned me years ago, they wanted nothing to do with me and had moved on to focus on their new little girl, they wouldn't care if i was gone. Nothing seemed to add up, i wanted to die but i was scared. I had planned everything perfectly, from the clothes i would wear to the time of day i would leave, yet i was still unsure. I took in deep breath after deep breath, but nothing seemed to calm my nerves. Cars zoomed past and people walked down the road, none of them paying any mind to me. that might be why i was so scared, i was afraid of what would happened to the people below if i did jump. No one had noticed me yet, and thank god for that. I didn't want to go out to police screaming and people worrying. I didn't want anyone to know.

"Tas, Lee, Hasely, Brian, Kelly, Jayce, and maybe even Jake" I hummed to myself, shutting my eyes. they were all the people who cared for me, the ones that would cry if i had died, or at least would be saddened. I huffed as my mind flooded with all the people who wouldn't care "Leo, Kendall, cherish, mom, dad, Auntie Rita, Uncle Mike, none of my cousins, not the little sister i've never met, and everyone else in this world" I said to myself, the realization of how many more people who wouldn't care, who would be happy i was gone. my heart felt like it was on fire and my head was screaming. 'your so worthless' it screamed. 'Didn't even try to make it work' It yelled 'wouldn't matter if you were gone'. these thought flooded my mind again and again, they seemed to never leave, they were always there, mocking and teasing. If i just jumped they would all be quiet, i wouldn't hear the constant fits of anxiety, the constant mockery and mindless hate i bestowed upon myself. I wouldn't hear the secrets i hid from everyone or the times i made myself and others cry. if only i had the balls to jump, the balls to end it all. but no, i was so much of a pussy that i was still standing here, looking down at a street of people who wouldn't care and thinking about all the people who called my worthless. i was standing at the place i had planned to die and having myself a pity party.

"Shay?" I heard a person say behind me, making me gasp softly and look behind me. It was Jake, my ex boyfriend and the boy that made my parents disown me. about three years ago, when i first turned 16, i met Jake. he had been the kind of kid to make sexual remarks to the teachers while trying to skate by on his grades in class and make out under the bleachers with anyone he could during lunch while i was quiet and reserved, doing what i was told even i was told without question. his friend locked us in a closet at a party i had been dragged to and we ended up doing a lot more than talking. we became a thing after. i told my parents and they didn't approve one bit, going so far as to having a priest come over and spray me with holy water. I went through the pain and torture, and in the end they just cast me out but i stuck through it with jake by my side. we went through a lot, and we were very happy. are relationship went far, even getting far enough that Jake proposed to me. To bad happiness doesn't last in my twisted web of a life. Jake had been cheating the whole time, with my best friend nonetheless. that wasn't the thing that had hurt the most though, it was the fact that he has proposed to them before me. i was just the back up. And after that, he left, he hasn't said a word, hadn't said goodbye or sorry, just vanished. i had waited for a whole year for him, a year of depression and constant worry, and i couldn't take it anymore. and so i'm here, standing at the edge of a hotel, my ex on one side and my death on the other. "Shay, what the fuck are you doing here, and on the roof nonetheless." He asked, his voice a mixture of annoyance and worry.