New York, You're Perfect

New York, You're Perfect - Chapter Four

           Blaine trailed behind the producer, who was chatting animatedly with Jesse and Rachel about musical theatre and NYADA. Apparently he’d done a semester there but decided he preferred the backstage side of things rather than being centre stage, and was good at it as well. It didn’t take long though, for the conversation turned to Kurt, and Blaine immediately caught up with them, desperate to hear anything about the boy.

“He looks so comfortable up there.” Rachel sighed enviously, watching him jiving playfully with the girl playing Frenchy as they sang and laughed together. It really did look like their rehearsals were closer to social gatherings than actual practice; but after seeing the show twice, Blaine had to concede that they didn’t really need much practice.

“Yeah, he was born to be there. It’s the only place I’ve ever seen him smile properly, until a few days ago at least.” Derek shot a sly look at Blaine, who blushed slightly, looking towards his feet. “He literally carries this performance single-handedly.”

“That’s hardly fair, Tessa’s amazing as well.” Blaine defended her half-heartedly, because he felt it would be proper.

“She is; they all are. They’re one of the best casts I’ve ever worked with, but you can hardly disagree that Kurt is the most talented performer of all of them, not that he’d ever agree. Plus he teaches them choreography, can pinpoint exactly what wasn’t right in a scene and is constantly rushing around trying to keep up morale and make everyone else happy. I don’t know how he has the energy, but he’ll go a long way in this business. He’s impossible not to adore.” Blaine was amazed by how perfect Kurt still was, despite the time and pain that had obviously changed him. “You’ll be good for him.”

“Huh?” Blaine snapped to face the producer, caught off guard. Derek on the other hand, had a slightly smug look on his face.

“You’ll be good for him. He’s never exactly admitted this to any of us, except maybe Tessa, but he’s had it rough. I’ve seen pictures of him as a teenager, and anyone can see he’s not the same guy he was then; something happened that changed him a lot and it’s made him unhappy for so long. You make him smile Blaine; I don’t think you know how rare that is.” He was trying desperately to ignore the burning of Rachel’s gaze on the side of his face as he processed Derek’s words. Kurt was unhappy. Blaine made him smile. He wasn’t sure if he was sadder about the former, or more ecstatic about the latter.

“If anyone deserves happiness, it’s Kurt.” Rachel chimed in; when it became clear Blaine wasn’t ready to respond yet. “Seeing him sad… it’s like…” She trailed off, unable to find the right sentiment.

“It’s like seeing an angel cry.” He murmured, “I don’t know if I can make him happy, or if he can make me so, but I can’t live without him anymore. It’s too hard.” He wasn’t sure if he was admitting this to himself, or to the others. Either way, Derek responded.

“Make sure he knows that.” Derek caught Blaine’s eye and the younger man found he couldn’t look away.

“I can’t, not yet.” Blaine wasn’t ready for a relationship with Kurt again. Not yet. He wanted Kurt, he loved Kurt, he couldn’t live without Kurt, but he hadn’t forgiven Kurt. The past five years had been painful and lonely and had forced him to become someone he didn’t want to be. Until he could get over that, and the anger that such memories and thoughts brought on, he couldn’t be with Kurt, however much he wanted it.