...~One...~ Valencia...~

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Chapter one... I Don't Deserve You

Valencia...

I was hanging a string of pictures of Harry Styles, the one person who saved me, when my life turned to hell. I loved him for him, I never loved him because he had loads of money or because he was handsome and famous. Sure him being famous made me know him, but him being famous didn't have anything to do with me loving him. It was July 15th. I was in college, more specifically university of Washington, yes I still lived in Washington state I first lived in Renton, where I met all my good friends, who sadly went away as we all went to different colleges. I'm only here for the music program they have. I lived by myself in a dorm. I was standing on my bed trying to hang up the somewhat of banner of pictures of him. After a few hours of decorating the dorm, I decided to go to the bathroom and take a bath.

I lay in the bath... wanting to die. I take the piece of sharp glass, and slowly cut into the once soft skin that has little bumps on the wrists, of course the scars will fade cause I never do them too deep. Of course I'm tan and they'll show the pink or red little scars. So that's always... I don't know... I hate my life so much that I want to cry myself to death, I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I start to think about everything; my mom calling Harry a faggot and hoping he'd die. My brother calling him a faggot. All the kids making fun of me and Harry. My now ex-boyfriend who broke up with me five days after valentine's day over text, I found out he was cheating on me with some freshman as we were only in 11th grade. I didn't have a crush on a guy, I think it was my ex, but I'm not gonna blame him for everything. Every year from pre-k all the way through 11th grade, but senior year was different, really different. I thought about everything bad that has happened, I never thought I'd ever do this. I'd never thought I'd ever cut myself with an actual razor. I was still a virgin and still haven't had my first kiss. I start to put the corner of the blade on my right wrist considering I was left handed, and I go at it, by the end of my session of depression I have at least 24 bleeding cuts. I put nail polish remover on them first, stinging badly but I didn't cry or cringe, flinch, it hurt badly, really bad. The that I grabbed another cotton ball, and put hand sanitizer, that stinging more, still, I didn't flinch, cringe, or cry, I just kept a smile.

I always did that... Whenever I was sad or nervous I always managed to smile through the pain that I was sad about and kept it a secret. Soon after the first time I've cut myself people noticed, and they had pity asking why I did it, someone told the school counselor, I lied and said I slipped on gravel, it was a terrible lie... I was normally good at lying but I knew that if brother had ever found out I would tell him that slipped on gravel, that wasn't a lie. I truly slipped on gravel, I knew he's believe that and wouldn't give the talk about how this wasn't a T.V. show.

I had two classes, one was for music, and the other was for writing. They were each an hour long starting at 6:30 A.M. to 8:30 A.M. I took them every Tuesday through Thursday. So, I only had three days of school and two hours of class, which make a total of 6 hours of classes per three days which was basically a whole school day...

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It was Friday night and I decided to go to hangout with Hailey. She was my best friend but she went to a different collage in Washington state and it was hard to keep with classes. So, we didn't talk often... I got dressed in my normal, style... A floral button up shirt with black skinny jeans, and high-top or low-top converse, today I decided to go with my black and white converse.

''Hey Hailey!'' I say. ''Hey Vee.'' My nicknames consisted of Harry Styles, Vee, Harry styles chick, bitch, whore. But of course the last three are from the people who hated me, which were a lot of people for some reason.

Me and Hailey were talking when somebody screamed. ''Harry Styles is a faggot and I wanna punch him in the face to make him more ugly, he sucks, and he's gay!!!!'' I stopped talking stopped smiling and ran. I ran to the woods. I wanted to hit a tree hard enough so I could die, I wanted to cut myself I wanted to take a shower and cry, I wanted to cry myself to sleep. I wanted to hit the person so hard. And I wish stand up for myself but I just couldn't, I finally stop running and try to calm myself down I started freaking out and started eyes out. ''Why do people have to do this to me!? What did I do to them!? I don't even know them!? Why me!?''

It was at least ten minutes before I just had silent tears coming out. I start to think of a song from Harry. ''I gotta get better, gotta get better, I gotta get better, and maybe we'll work it out.'' ''You run fast.'' I hear someone say. I jumped. ''Who- who are you- you are you gonna hurt me?'' ''No babe I don't hurt people I sing to people.'' I start to notice his features, his silhouette was no longer a silhouette it was the one and only Harry Styles.

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So this story is based off of thinks that have happened in my life a lot of it is true. if you have any questions (for what's real and not. but in general also.) you can comment them and i'll reply or you can just message me on here have a good morning and good night. All the loveXX ~J

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