Behind Her Grey Eyes

He's back

After we finished ordering we decided to get to know each other better.

"So Ash, whats your favourite colour?" James asks me. "How original, James." I say while rolling my eyes. He grins at me. "Its black and blue, by the way." "How original" Zach says, mimicking me. I shot him a playful glare, but let a small smile find my face. "Whats yours, Zach?" Becca asks. "Black and white." He says. We keep on going asking meaningless, random questions.

We found out that James is the immature, childish, prankster of the group. While Marcus is a little more mature, but still a little childish. Zach, well you can't tell a lot about him. He is pretty much a closed book, but there is one thing that you can see clearly. He loves his friends more than anything. He doesn't really show it, but you can just tell. If one things for sure, the boy went through some heavy shit in his life and it looks like his friends were the only things keeping him sane. I wish I had friends like that, when I was too weak to defend myself. There is one thing similar about us though, we both are really good at hiding our emotions. We keep on our 'blank mask' to mask pain, happiness or sadness. The only emotion we show is boredom or anger. I didn't choose to be like this. Actually, I did, but I was sick of being so vulnerable.....so I changed.

"So what do you want to be when your older, Becca?" Asked Adam. " I want to be an architect." Says Becca. "What about you Amanda?" Asks Marcus. These guys are so meant to be. "I...uh...want to do something with medicine." She replies. "And what do you want to do, Angel?" Zach asks me. This is the first time his addressed me since my little 'incident' at the cafeteria. "Child psychologist." I say. "Why a child psychologist?" Asks Zach. "Well, sometimes in life people go through things they can't deal with on their own. They need somebody to talk to, somebody who won't judge them. Normally those people are your friends, but some people aren't lucky enough to have true friends." I say the last part quietly. The guys (and girls) look at me with sympathy, except Zach, he looked at me with an emotion I couldn't decipher. "So, if those people are kids, I think that they should have at least one person they can trust." I continue. "And I would really love to be that person." I conclude. " Wow." Marcus says. Zach just looks at me, a deep emotion in his eyes that I once again, couldn't read.

" Who knew the badgirl could be so deep." Zach says, recovering from his little stare session. "Badgirl? I'm not a badgirl." I say. "Oh really," says Zach." You have this whole badgirl persona, the motorbike, the leather jacket, the blank look." He says to me. "Look, I may get into trouble with the police a little and may have gone to juvie for a while, but that doesn't make me a badgirl." I say to him calmly. "I'm not one for stereotypes." I tell him. "Yeah sure, Angel." He says and smirks. I was starting to get angry." You think you have me all figured out! You have no idea who I am. What I'm like." I shout. This boy was really getting on my nerves .

I storm out, not wanting to continue this meaningless argument. I don't have to sit there explaining myself to a complete stranger. I just met the guy today, and he ALREADY thinks he has me all figured out. He's a bloody asshole. I don't even know him properly and I can feel my hatred for him already.
Are you sure that's hatred

You again!

Yes,me! Who else is it going to be besides me? Do you have any other voices inside your head?

What do you mean am I really sure its hate, of course it's hate!

Whatever you say.

Ugh, whatever

"Hey, Ash. Wait up!" I don't have to turn around to know my brothers voice. "Go away Adam." I tell him in my feeble attempt to get him to leave me alone. In all honesty I didn't want him to leave me alone. My brother was one of the very few people I could trust. He was with me no matter what, always by my side. He is the one person I can be myself with. I love my brother, no matter how much he annoys me.

He didn't go away, he just started walking by me in silence. "He's not a bad guy, you know." He broke the silence. "What are you talking about?" I question him. "Zach, he really is a good guy. I know he can seem a bit cocky and act like an asshole, but he didn't mean any harm when he said those things to you." Adam tells me. I scoffed. "Didn't mean harm? He fucking thinks he knows who I am. He has no bloody idea. He doesn't know what we have been through. Not only me, us, Adam, us!" I was losing it now. Why was Adam defending that- that, ugh, there are no words to describe that idiot.

Now you must be wondering why I was so angry, well lets just say that people betraying me was not the only shitty thing that happened to me on my life, but that's a story for another day.

"Look Ash, I know you don't like people judging you, but you need to stop pushing people away if they bring up something you don't like. Zach had no idea what happened, he didn't know that it was a sensitive thing for him to say. If he had any idea that it was going to hurt you, he never would have done it." Adam explains to me. I know he's right, I believe him. And even though I don't know him that well, Zach doesn't seem like the type of person to hurt someone without a good enough reason.

"Fine, I believe you, as long as you promise you'll talk to him and tell him to never say something like that to me ever again. If I say something, he needs to believe me. That's the only way this so called 'friendship' might work." I tell Adam. The reason I don't want to talk to him myself is that I might break if I do. I don't like talking about what happened n my past. "Thanks Ash!" Adam grins childishly at me and left.

By the time I had stopped walking, I realised where I had come. The arena. The fighting arena. I would come here when I was feeling angry or helpless. It made me feel like I had power, it gave me an adrenaline that I was addicted to.

"Hey Ash." A familiar male voice called out to me. " Matthew?" I call out. I stare at the thick, black haired boy with striking green eyes.

Matthew Simmons, one of my best friends. He was one of the people who helped me, along with Becca. I always thought he had a thing for her, but he never admitted to it. I could tell though, it was the way he looked at her. Matthew used to help me train, that was before he moved away two months ago because he's parents got divorced, and he went to go live with his dad.

" Matty!" I exclaim. I run towards him and jump to hug him. He laughs and hugs me back. Matthew was like a brother to me.

"Guess what?" Matthew asks me. "What? You finally grew balls and decided to get a girlfriend?" I tease him. "Nope, I'm moving back!" He says and grins like a little child. My eyes widen and I start to jump up and down. People must think I'm crazy, jumping up and down in the middle of a fighting arena.

" how is that even possible? You moved in with your dad." I say to him. "Yeah, well things didn't exactly work out with him, so I decided to cine back to my mum. " he explains to me.

"So, have you gone soft while I was gone?" He asks and playfully punches me. "Nope." I say popping the 'P'. "Are u sure about that A" he says punching me again. This time, he hit a little harder. I get into a fighting stance and we start to fight.

By the time we are done with three fights, we are exhausted. I greet Matthew and head home. It has gotten pretty late, as I had lost track of time.

" I'm home" I say as I walk into the front door. "Where were you?" Not out of worry, more out of curiosity, my brother asks. Now don't get me wrong, my brother loves me and all, but he doesn't worry unless, its been three and I have been missing without telling anyone where I was, or I missed my favourite TV show.

"The Arena" I reply and he nods his head. "Zach came here earlier Adam says like it was the most normal thing in the world. "What?!" I say, almost spitting out the water I just took a sip of. "Yeah, he said something about wanting to say sorry or something. I told you he was a good guy." He tells me. I just stand there in shock. He wanted to apologise to me? Why? Its not like he was my best friend or anything, he just met me today for gods sake!

"I'm going to bed." I tell Adam. I couldn't deal with all this today.
"Night." He says. Not commenting on how I was avoiding the conversation.