OTF: Crestfallen smile

crstflln : 13

"I thought kami lang. . ." She's crying her eyes out. "I thought we're only one big happy family. Bakit may ganito? Bakit siya pa?"

I removed her face on my chest and cupped it with my bare hands. "Anong bakit siya pa?" I curiously asked her.

"Nothing. I'm sorry nabasa ko pa yung polo mo." She removed my hands from her face and turned her back at me.

"It's okay."

"Can you leave me, alone?"

You're pushing me again. But I won't do it, not again. Babawi ako sa mga panahong kailangan mo ako pero wala ako sa tabi mo.

"Could you stop from pushing me away? I know you need someone. I can be that someone, K. You still have a part in me." My eyes got teary but I don't know why.

"But she needed you the most, Vice. Sa tagal ng panahon kinaya ko nang hindi dumepende sa iba. I can handle this. I don't need you."

Bakit ang sakit mo pa rin magsalita hanggang ngayon? Bakit hanggang ngayon ganyan ka pa rin katigas? Kailan ka ba lalambot?

Kailan ka ba babalik sa dati?

"Okay, fine." I breathe, heavily. "Bakit nga ba inooffer ko yung sarili ko sayo diba? Alam ko namang wala lang ako sayo. I was never became part of your life."

"You don't know what you're saying, Vice." Hinarap niya ako kasabay ng pag-iling ng kanyang ulo.

"Yes I know, K. Hindi ako tanga para 'di maramdaman na wala lang ako sayo."

"Stop this. I don't want to flasback things between you and me."

"K, for a long time ni hindi mo sakin pinaalam na may anak tayo. For a long long time you made me feel that I was never in your life."

"Because you made me feel that way too. When you left me, my life got vulnerable. Every night, I always cried my eyes out. Every morning, I was hoping you to come back. But it didn't happened. Yes you came back but I got hurt, again. You hurt me twice. Now, you're saying that you weren't meant something in my life? How could you say those words when in fact I always cared for you. I always wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hug you. I wanted to at least ease the pain you had back then. I wanted to fix you. . . I wanted to be your girl. I made you as my world. Ikaw at ikaw lang yung taong minahal ko ng sobra. Kaya wag mong sasabihin na wala ka lang sakin, because you were the one whom I wanted to share my life with." She emphasized her last words. And for a second, I felt my heart skipped from beating.

"So all of these were just a revenge? You're making a revenge kasi nasaktan kita no'n? Karylle, hindi porket nasaktan ka dati, may karapatan ka nang ibalik yung sakit sa iba. You know how sorry I was. You know what I went through when you walked out into my life. You know that, K. Alam mong nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa mo sakin. But you didn't stop from hurting me kasi napuno ka ng galit at nakulong ka sa nakaraan natin."

To be honest, I don't want to argue with her. Ayoko sanang pagsalitaan siya because I knew what's the reason behind the new Karylle. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya but God knows how much I regret hurting her.

I hope she knows that too.

I'm just staring at her. Her eyes are red because of tears. I don't want to see her like this.

"Is it my fault to got hurt that much? To think na baka that was a sign para magbago ako, para for the third time hindi na ako masaktan ulit ng iba. Is it my fault to became what I am now?" I heard her sobs and with that my throat got tightened.