Jade

Chapter 6

        I was watching Liam sleep. He was off work since it was sunday and he'd spent the entire day by my side. This morning he'd had heavy lids and after watching him fight exhaustion for two whole hours I finally told him to take a nap. Liam didn't snore, he was a peaceful sleeper who made no noise aside from the sound of his breathing. I let my eyes roam over his face, watching as his eyes moved behind his lids. What could he be dreaming about? I wondered had he ever dreamed of me like I had dreamed of him. I sighed, shaking the thought out of my head. I looked over out my window at the dark sky and wished that I could be outside. I hated being locked in this room all the time. I knew that I had cancer, and that that meant I was going to die soon, but I just didn't understand why everyone acts as if I'm already gone. I'm still breathing, still fully alive. I should get the chance to live life to the fullest, as cliche as it sounds. The only person who seemed to get that was Liam but even he didn't let me do all the things I wanted to. 

        I still had dreams of seeing the world. I wanted to climb the eifel tower and see all those big cathedrals of the world. I wanted to eat pizza in italy, and ride the london eye. I wanted to go to venice and witness the impossible, a city floating on water. I didn't care that the doctors didn't think I could because I knew that it was still possible for me. I decided when I lost this fight, and I was not giving up anytime soon. I still had a good year left in me, if not more. Liam says I'm delusional but I know I'm not. I've been trying to convince him to help me complete my bucket list but he says I'm just not strong enough to go flying around the world, but he's wrong. I pulled out the slip of folded paper from it's place under my pillow and opened it. The handwriting was messy since I usually just jotted down a new one whenever something gave me an idea.

1: Fall in love.

        I rolled my eyes as I read the first one. I know it's stupid but I feel like everyone has the right to fall in love at least once. I bit my bottom lip as I looked over at Liam. I guess I'd known for a while but I knew I could never tell him. It would only hurt him more if he knew I loved him too. He'd never said the words but he didn't have to. I could see it in his eyes. I don't really know the exact moment when I realized he loved me and I loved him but I knew that it wasn't something that would pass, even once I was gone. I hated myself for it, though. I would die and Liam would be left behind with a broken heart that only time could heal. I'd give anything to be able to hold him and comfort him when the time came, to be able to tell him that it was going to be okay, but even if I could be here to do all those things it wouldn't make a difference. The only thing that would help him is the one thing that I won't ever be able to give him. Me. 

2: fly 

        This one was deffinitely doable. I just had to convince Liam to sign me out and take me. He was proving difficult but I knew he was starting to sway. Oddly enough, I'm terrified of heights, so getting on an airplane will take care of number three too.

3: overcome a great fear

        Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liam begin to stir, so I folded and tucked the paper back in it's place and pressed the button that lifted the head of my bed until I was sitting straight up. Liam yawned and stretched before looking in my direction. He smiled a goofy grin as he rubbed his eyes with both fist and gave another big yawn.

"Hey there."

I smiled.

"Hey, feeling better?"

"Yes, tons better. I've just been so exhausted and stressed lately." He sighed.

"I know, and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry you have to take care of me, but I'm too selfish to tell you to go away."

        He smiled and unfolded himself from the chair. His bones cracked as he stood at his full height and took the few steps to my bed. He shoved his hands in his pockets, rocked back on his heels and leaned down to me with a sweet smirk.

"I'm never going away."