Prison of paradise, book 4 in Wingless series

Close enough

Addiction was something I never saw coming my way. Sure, we all were addicted to something in life. Some of us never had to go down that road because we had enough common sense in our minds to stop us.

I always thought being addicted meant you gave up on trying and were just weak. I never wanted to admit to anyone that I thought I possibly could be addicted to stifling all these new feelings. Maybe there was no such thing, to me there was.

I had become so afraid to feel all the situations I had been in that I just found a way to get out of my head before I was consumed by darkness. The life that we were leading was dark. The life was so depressing that I did not know how to handle it. I felt exactly how Kenny had, I felt responsible for so much sadness. Sure, I wasn't the one physically doing it, but I was able to be there and know what was to come and it made me carry around so much guilt.

I was sure Grims had to have the worst job in the world. A Grim's job was a job of permanence one they couldn't take back once the job was done. Being part of death so closely made you feel bitter. This lifestyle gave you little hope of any outlook that was happy or anticipated.

We all were trying to live like any normal person would but locked inside each of us we didn't want to make friends, and we didn't want to let ourselves enjoy anything because we all had such a burden, a burden that pulled and tugged at your mind, body and soul.

If one could imagine what it was like to know the worst secret in the world and never be able to share it or prevent it they would understand the torture. The power was not a gift or luxury it was almost a disease of sorts.

Evan always said every time I was near hyperventilation over the subject that someone had to do it. He always told me that it would be way worse if all this were in the wrong hands. He always tried to pull me off the ledge before I jumped, and I let him think that he saved me each time. Little did he know I slipped away to numb myself again and again.

I honestly lost the ability to care how it was going to affect me ever. Ari caught on rather fast and helped keep me stocked. I always thought she did so because she would rather abuse drugs with a friend then alone. Who would want to be alone in the mess they created, the more the merrier I thought.

I laced my running shoes up preparing to go on a morning jog. Any way to release some pent up aggression was all right with me. Evan came down the stairs buttoning his shirt in a hurry to head to his next job. He was dressed in a dress shirt that had always been my weakness, him in nice clothes. When I saw him in nice clothes, it was hard to keep my mind from thinking what I wanted to do to him.

He caught on rather quickly coming down the stairs smacking me on the behind like a moron. I rolled my eyes standing up straight grabbing him for a quick kiss.

"Morning." He said falling for it. He touched my face softly looking into my eyes before he kissed me again.

"What's the look for?" I asked squinting at him.

"Nothing just making sure your all right." He said. "I am going on a job today, with Jersey."

I nodded my head knowing I had nothing to worry about anymore. There was a loud rapping on the door before Kenny came bounding in, he was in jogging pants and a t-shirt. He grinned his same stupid goofy grin at us both running in place for extra dramatic effect.

"And I am going jogging with your wife." He said play fighting with Evan. I shook my head at their crazy behavior grabbing a light hooded jacket to throw on, I was sure it wasn't the warmest of days outside.