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i wonder how i got here.
it's an unexplainable feeling; it's a moment that drifts and floats until it hovers above you and there's nothing you can do to remove it. she doesn't know how to breathe for a lifetime within a few seconds, but in the meantime she just waits for the storm to pass while her eyes are glued to a burning screen; the growing pains pulsating against her skin with a heightened fury — what did i do now?
how long did her heart dwell in its happiness? for you — whoever you are — to feel as if you need to strip her of it? she's already dull. she's lost her unusual glimmer and shine to a dirtied and rusted train of words that enter her to push her even deeper into the catastrophic hole she fell inside of. and no lifesaving rope ever drapes to redeem her foolish topple inside; but instead peers down at her and watches as she further falls. is this what you wanted?
the only thing she's learned throughout her moments of self indulgence and comfort is to trust absolutely no one. isolate and let those tears she's held inside for so long finally fall from that sacred threshold up there; let them fall and let them end. they're not welcome here. and it scares her. what am i doing?
who do i turn to?
she's been advised to pray, beg for forgiveness, ask and ask and ask, but what truly, is she asking for? what more could there possibly be to cleanse her of her sanity? to whiten up her imperfections? she doesn't want them.
