Warning: This is going to be all over the place because I'm even more of an emotional mess than I already am. (It's that time of the month)
Another warning: All rules of grammar shall be broken.
Last warning: If you don't like listening to a whiny teenager complain about her life then you're at the wrong place sweety!
Enough with the warning, let's get this show on the rode, or more like the story being told.
The first friendship I remember having with kids my age was probably when I was three or four. My best friends were my 2 MALE next door neighboors. Remeber that okay? They were my mom's friend's children and I literally used to talk to them everyday through the window.
Then, we moved to the downtown of the city I live in which meant I was friendless again, but I was young with a big imagination so I had imaginary friends which was totally awesome.
Blah blah blah my mom finished her masters (which was why we moved downtown) so we moved to the suburbs. At this time I was entering Kindergarten, which meant school and all that ish. This was my first time going to an actual school but that's a story for later. Flash forward, it's my first day of school and I was the new kid. And for one of the very few times in my life, I was lucky. There was also another new student that day, so we clicked immediately and became bffs.
Then, summer came. My mom signed me up for my school's summer camp and my bff's mom signed her up as well. Long story short, we met this other girl and it became a three way best frienship? If that's what it's called i don't even know anymore. And yeah that new girl into our best friendship transferred to our school for first grade.
As my elementary years went on, I was distancing myself from my original best friend and becomong closer to the no longer new girl which became my new bff, until 5th grade. Just a reminder I didn't cut ties with my og GIRL bff from kindergarten so remember her because she comes back later too. What fun! Lol no
Remember those two MALE bff neighbors from the beginning? Well sometime in my elementary years they moved to the suburbs and we visited them a couple of time and it was fun but we weren't as close as we were when we were younger.
Okay so at the beginning of 5th grade me and my bff st the time were fine. And then suddenly we were not but I don't remember why. I became so lonely I was desperate for friendship to the poimt where I got along with people I previously disliked. Remember that Racism chaper? Well that happened thing that I said happened in 5th grade and you wanna know who one of the two girls was? The og GIRL bff from kindergarten but fortunately I guess she wasn't the one being racist?
5th grade year goes on and my mom soon realizes what's going on and makes a big deal and shiz. School year ends and we're leaving the country woohoo! I still don't know the true reason we went to live overseas. My mom says a different thing every time I ask her.
So, over seas I make great friends over the course of three years and I truly love these people so much. They changed me and made me a better and worse? person. Of course drama happen cuz yeah life. I'm not going to go into detail anout yhese years becuz it's a heavy load which could be like another rant maybe? If you want?
Eight grade is done and now we're going back to America. My friends are all like of course we'll keep in touch and we'll still be bffs, but I'll tell you how that worked out a little later.
I came to America and I was depressed af. I was scared I wouldn't have friends and was worried about having awkward conversations with people I knew since I was gonna go to the same school I went to. I was just really worried.
9th grade goes on and thank God I actually made friends. I make one close friends but then we drifted apart, so eh? Also, only 3 of the people that I knew before still went to this school and one of them was the og GIRL bff from kindergarten. Anyway, my relationships with my friends over seas suffered greatly but they just don't want to admit it. I only talk to 3 of my 20+ ex friends you could say? And even then here's how the conversations go:
Friend 1:
Me: Hey
Her: Hey
Me: Hru
Her: gd wby
Me: Same
Me: How's *insert whatever*?
Her: good
Me:ok
Her: ok
Me: ok
Friend 2:
Her: sorry I forgot to respond
Me: it's okay, hru?
......
Friend 3:
Her: *insert my name* ugh school sucks ur so lucky to still be on holiday
Me: yup
Her: I have so much homework
Me: THEN GET YOUR ARSE UP AND DO IT
Her: I don't want to
Me: *reads message through notifications but doesn't open real message and doesn't respond until the next day*
That's basically how it goes.
So now I'm in a place in my life where I'm friends with a bunch of people buy not close enough with anyone to fully trust them I guess or be 100% myself around them. And it's tough when you have so much bottled up and you can't tell anyone because you are either afraid of judgement or coming across as spoiled and whiny.
Amd unfortunately now since the new school year is coming up and we can't afford the school I was going to (even though my dad denies it) I'm probably gonna go to public school. I have major issues with that but I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BEST FRIEND OR CLOSE FUCKING FRIEND TO RANT TO so IT'S ALL INSIDE OF ME AND YEAH SHIT.
And oh my 2 MALE neighbor childhood bffs go to one of the ones near us. BOOOOIIKKKHFFFFGG
YA WANNA KNOW WHY I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THEM ANYMORE? Because apparently in Islam a girl and a boy can't be friends which I think isn't true it's my parents and they're culture that's telking me I can't. Which has created problems in the past that I don't want to drag on about cuz if I do this would be 5000 words long.
Please excuse my inappropriate rant. I'm sorry this is becoming too long and pointless but please do me amd yourself a favor:
KEEP YOUR FREAKING BEST FRIENDS CLOSE BECAUSE IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A NEW ONE
Lots of love
~J
Sorry if this whole thing doesn't make sense feel free to ask questions❤
