The Lives That I Have Lived

My Fourth

Cold..... My body, feels frozen stiff. Why is this place so cold.

Damn, I cant even see my body....

Dead,
I must be...right?

These thoughts raced over and over in my head. Adrift in an endless sea of bitter nothingness with no sense of direction. For days I felt as though I had been following this unseen current, until I slowly began to feel my body return to me. I could move my arms and flex my hands. I inhaled deeply for the first time since being cast away from my family.

Going home, am I really going home?

There I saw it. Not far ahead of me, a light. I felt its warmth breathing the long forgot sense of life into me. I had thought my unbelievable journey was over. My long awaited arrival at the gates of eternal life were just beyond that light. I wanted it to be true. But it was not so.

As I passed through the light, I could hear the sounds of willow trees swaying in the wind. The scent of mid-spring wildflowers filled the surrounding space. The light grew brighter, so much so that I had to shield my eyes at the last second. And when I had opened them, equally to my disappointment and amazement, I was in a bed. Much like how I had once awoken before. Though this bed, the walls that surrounded me, and the floorboards and ceiling where much more modern then any I had seen. These walls seemed to be brick laced, with cement filling in the area withing the brick borders. The floor, from afar looked to be of wood, but as I arose from the bed I saw it was much different from the wooden floors of past. These wood floors had a shine to them, like polished armour. Yet again I wore an unfamiliar face, feeling the bridge of this nose, how sharp the jawline was, how protruding these cheekbones were. And much to my surprise, my hair. A once dark brown, thick and long, now short and parted to the right. Vibrant bright red locks covered my head.

And I was young again. I cant be over 17. This body is much to small in stature to be a grown man's. However whoever this was, who ever I am, is quite muscular in frame. I walked towards one of the closed doors to find a tiny bath house. With it's own personal water spicket and full bath. Hopefully this time I was thrown down into a rich family. I left the tiny bath house and went out the second door. This door lead to and open floor, other doors ran down a short hall, one on either side, 4 to count them all. Then a voice came from one of the doors before opening, "Big bro, you up already?" Then put popped a child, he seemed to be around the same age as myself this time around, smaller in both height and strength, he gave me a ditsy looking grin and came out into the hallway. "Nate you alright, ya look like shit. Guess nobody will blame ya after that fight Tommy Lagrand gave you at the market yesterday." I just nodded, not really knowing what to do. "Damn Natie he really must've given you a freaking beating if you ain't gonna give you're little wille a birthday hug, c'mon where's my bro, helloooo you in there numbnuts?"

This boy, Wilhelm or willie as he said, wouldn't shut up. And apparently the only was to get him to quiet down was to say something. "Yeah Willie, I'm just tired. Hey happy birthday little brother." He smiled that same ditsy smile and embraced me as a brother does.

We went outside, to walk around. I slyly had Wilhelm show me the new world I had awoken in. And how new this world was. Where once horse drawn carriages where the only mode of transport, now big, loud metal contraptions with giant wooden wheels roamed the streets. Everyone dressed in these clothes that fit to right, and the men wore some type of elastic that met at either side of the pant, called suspenders.

I found that the year was 1941. My name in this life was Rudolph, Ruddy to those closest to me. Many hundreds of years had past since I entered that dark abyss. And I was about to witness something that still forever haunts me.

I had learned that the country this family lived in was named, America, and the world was at war with a man named Adolf Hitler. A German dictator held bent on extermination. Much like Alexander the Great had been in years past. There was also a collection of young men under this Hitlers rule, hopefully I wanted to believe that were poor victims of slave trade. I was mistaken.
Months went by, and I had turned 18, the ceremony that was held on my behalf was grandiose in its simplicity, and very enjoyable to myself, I had blended in again to a new life. This ritual called a birthday celebration held a feast for the person, followed by a cake and some odd tradition of birthday punches. When Wilhelm went to deliver his first punch, on instinct I almost threw him into the icebox. After a quick laugh and a pat on his shirt we continued on with the celebration.

Later that evening young Wilhelm had found me in the backyard gazing at the stars. He laid besides me. I could feel his want to engage in a conversation he hadn't wanted to start. Twenty minutes went by, and we both just laid on the ground star gazing. Then, Will turned to me, with sincerity in his eyes, and asked me a question I will never forget.

"Have you ever felt like you're not really meant to be in this era?"

I didn't have the guts to tell him the truth. That I don't belong to this time. That I'm far older than any other person who walks the earth. "Sit down Willie, I want to tell you a story."
"I am here on the ground with you ya dunce, how much sitting can I do." He laughed. It feels like it's been forever since I last saw his smile, it always gave me comfort.

Over the next few hours we spent talking. More him listening to my lives. At first I could tell he thought I was lying, but as the hours crawled on, Will realized how much truth was being told.
"If I didn't know you, I'd lock you in the looney bin ya know that Rudy. I want to just laugh it off and say it's the drink talking but, when I look at ya, in your eyes I can tell you ain't kidding. You're not smart enough to come up with a long story like that outta nowhere."
It had been so long since I last met someone I felt this close to. So comfortable, that I had the courage to show him where I kept my alter, and other magical items. I showed him how to use the herbs that we had in the house for ointments. Let him flip through my herbology notes. He had asked if I had a secret diary, I suppose he means my grimoire, and I had just completed my last entry off of memory, but I couldn't show him what lay on those pages. It wouldn't be holy for someone so innocent to be subjected to the true horrors of my pasts.
When we finished with the cynical jokes and childish behavior of the whole situation, he turned to look at me and asked me this, "So if you keep coming back, do you ever think one day, I don't know, you'll stay dead?" "Willie, the only answer I can give you is the truth, I have never told you a lie, not once. So there isn't a need to start now. My one wish, the only thing that I have wanted so dearly since I found out what happened to me, is yes, I cannot wait to die and never walk the earth again. Each time those I once loved are long since past to the other side, I'm in a new place, a new body. All I want is to hold my children, Alluia and Cyprian, once more, embrace my sweet Calina. Tell them all I love them, and how much I've missed them. To see my mother, father. Willie as good of a story that my life makes, all I want to do is die. I am far to old, and even more so tired." Will looked at me in shock at first, then, without warning, he pulled me in and held me in a deep living hug for a while. After a few minutes of silence, we both began to weep, he for the loss of his brother, and newfound sadness for me; and myself, for why I couldn't pinpoint. Sadness just began to overwhelm my being.

........................................................................

It was December 8th, the first day after the horrific attack on Pearl Harbor. I had seen war. Known its horrors personally, and I have yet to understand what would allow a person to cause such horror.
That day, with the news, that always arrived at 12:30 on the dot, my brother brought me a piece of paper. His skinny hands shook as he handed me the letter. Before I could read it aloud he stormed into the living room with tears in his eyes.
Confused and worried I rushed to his side, and then realized what that note was. It was my draft papers, and I was going back to war.