The Lives That I Have Lived

The Trial Continues

I woke up to rain falling heavy on my bedroom window. The sounds and smells of nature that always bring comfort and a sense of ease over my body when I am around them. It was a slow, rainy Saturday. The kind of days where you look outside and know to just stay in and lounge in sweatpants and an oversized shirt watching reruns of your favorite TV shows.
I went down into the common area of the house after putting my old street clothes on, even ripped and tattered to shreds, they were still the most comfortable clothes I owned. Father Domascus and Elizabeth were sitting on the couch watching The Golden Girls, Maria was in the kitchen with Anthony setting up breakfast with everyone's respective morning drink. The girls had orange juice, Anthony had some frozen slushy that was mixed with vodka, Don had a cup of coffee that he'd mix with whiskey when Maria wasn't looking.
"What would you like to drink with breakfast Robbie?" Elizabeth said now getting up to greet me with a hug. "Something strong would be nice." I groggily responded. Before Maria could dispute drinking at six in the morning, Father Domascus had already put his flask in my hand and told me to finish it. "Well breakfast is ready, bacon and scrambled eggs for you and Robbie, Father. Lizzy dear your toast is just about done, and Anthony, get a plate, I will not allow you to eat the pancakes like an animal." Maria said with a slight scorn towards Father and myself for our drinking.
"With that, why don't we enjoy some food." Father said with a grin as he gestured towards the kitchen. "I'm going to get to work, I'll put my plate in the fridge for later." I said stumbling out the door with half a boot on one foot and the other in my hand. As I stepped outside I could feel the concerned looks on all their faces, and Anthony's scoffing look.
I hadn't slept well and needed to clear my head some how, so the best way to keep the thoughts away was to keep busy. I started with checking the electric fencing that ran the perimeter of the ten acre piece of property, checking for bows in the fence line and broken posts. After four hours of walking the fence from beginning to end, I went to the shed and began getting tools to do maintenance on Father Domascus's Chevrolet Silverado, and a couple of the escort vehicles. By the time I had finished replacing the front and rear leaf springs, calipers, rotors, upper and lower control arms, and brake pads, on all vehicles, it was just about seven o'clock at night. Soaking wet and covered in dirt, oil, grime, and sweat, I went back inside the house to clean myself off and reheat the plate from breakfast from almost thirteen hours ago.
As I entered the house, I was greeted by an upset Elizabeth and a concerned Father Domascus. "Why did you go out for so long, we were supposed to spend the day inside stupid!" Elizabeth whined as she ran over to hold me. "She has been worrying about you since you came home last night after work son, with your wounds, not eating, then working for thirteen hours without stopping or drinking anything, you had the rest of us beginning to feel concerned as well." Father said trying to hide his worried face behind a smile. Waving my hand in a dismissive motion, I replied, "The fence needed to be fixed in a few spots, the wiring and chain links were bowed towards the rear of the property, and I knew the vehicles needed work, so I got it done."
"That's not your job Robbie, you're a part of the family, not a hired hand!" Elizabeth said trying not to raise her voice. Father Domascus gave an approving nod to back up her statement. "I just needed to keep busy is all, can't sit still for to long." I sighed, ending the conversation with that. The two stood there, with worry in their eyes, and things they wanted to say but couldn't.  As I walked up the stairs to head to my room, I heard a pitter patter of light footsteps following up behind me. It was Elizabeth. She stopped me on the landing and took my hand gently. Smiling shyly she looked up and pulled my face close to hers, kissing my forehead gently before softly saying, "I'm always here for you, I know it's horrible, what you do. But if it ever gets to be to much, you can let me in." Then she let me go and pranced to her room like a little kid who just told her crush she liked him.

Not really knowing how to react, and once I was done standing there stunned, I went into my room, changed my clothes, and got into the shower to wash off the day, and try to ease my thoughts. I turned the water on as hot as it could go, hoping to melt away whatever hellish images that were stuck in my head. For a half hour I ran the water over my battered and bloodied body, tracing over the stitchs and scabs, rubbing as much of the aches out in my shoulders and neck. Nothing worked. I couldn't break the image I had burned into memory. Feeling somewhat defeated I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, and put on the new pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt that Maria had picked out for me. Then I remembered, it had been so long since I had someone who showed an ounce of kindness in my direction. Before meeting Father Domascus and his family, I was nothing more than a homeless piece of trash, kicked and tossed away to be forgotten. Now I had a family, I had a home. It was in that moment, that silent mournful second, that I pledged to myself that no matter what he'll I'd live through, whatever monster I became, that I'd live with it to keep these people, my family, safe.

After coming down, cleaned up and comfortable, I reheated my plate from breakfast and sat in the dining room to eat. I had never been so grateful for a meal that wasn't out of the trash in so long. I was so happy to have a meal free from roaches, ants, and flies, that I had started to cry. When I had finished my meal and calmed myself back down, I walked into the kitchen to clean the dishes that had been leftover from lunch, along with my own. That's when Maria, who had just awoken from her late afternoon nap she took with Father, noticed me cleaning. "You don't have to clean the rest love, it could have waited until I came down." She said gratefully. "You cook, I clean, Ms Maria. It makes me feel like I'm usful around here." I said with a joking smile. Laughing she said "You are more useful than my own son at times Robbie." After reiterating that it was no problem to me, Maria went back upstairs, most likely to lay down for a while longer. Once the dishes had been washed and dried, I still felt like I could do more, and everyone was still upstairs, so I wouldn't be told not to clean more. So I grabbed the mop bucket and began to wash the floors, beginning in the dining room, then the kitchen, into the common area, and finishing in the living room.

Around three hours had past since I had finished cleaning the entirety of the downstairs floors, and I had fallen asleep in the living room. I was propped up in a corner, resting one arm on the mop bucket, one leg arched, fast asleep. Only to be woken up by Maria gasping in delight when she saw what I had done. As I jumped up to see what the commotion was about, Elizabeth came rushing around the corner and ran into me, falling to the ground after impact. "I'm so sorry, I saw you on the ground sleeping earlier and wanted to bring you a blanket, I guess you're awake now so it doesn't really matter. Unless you still feel like-" I cut her off with a slight smile and held onto the blanket that was in her hands. "Thank you Lizzy, I could still use some rest. "

After walking up the stairs, going into my room, and laying down, I was finally able to fall back asleep. A few hours had past, and it was now the middle of the night, I woke up when I heard my bedroom door slowly inch open. As I got out of bed to see who wanted my attention so late at night, in the doorway stood Elizabeth. She was in night shirt, with her hair up in a bun, and bunny slippers on. At first she looked lost for words, until I realized the only thing I was wearing were the sweat pants I had put on before I started cleaning. She couldn't turn her eyes away from how my body looked, muscles bruised and slashed open, stiches wrapped with sterile dressings. She went to say something but before she could get it out I said, "Would you like to come in, I don't mind the company."
Shyly, she made her way to the center of the room where the twin sized bed was, and sat down on the corner closer to the window on the opposite side of the room. She sat there, playing with the ends of her light brown hair for a few minutes before she blurted out, "I want to sleep with you." Trying to keep myself controlled I said, "Is everything ok, did you have trouble falling asleep?"
"No, it's not that, I just thought itd be nice to cuddle someone before you went to bed." She said as her face turned beat red, "I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking." She blurted out almost immediately afterwards. As she turned towards the door, I grabbed a hold of her hand, pulled her back onto the bed, and held her while we both laid down. "I could use someone to hold, if you don't mind." She nodded her head no and turned so her head would be on my chest. She let out a soft moan as she got comfortable, and after a few minutes of awkwardly not knowing where to put my hands, I started running my fingers through her hair, slowly, using just enough force to make it feel good. After twenty minutes we both were asleep, Elizabeth stretched out across my body, and myself holding her close.