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David
Did I know I was being immature and stubborn? Of course.
Did that stop me for a second? Hell no.
Zin's hesitant voice, his nervousness, when he had asked me for permission to go out on a date with another man wouldn't stop ringing in my ears. And for the damn life of me, I couldn't figure out what bothered me more: that he was asking permission, that he sounded so scared and unsure, that he wouldn't be spending the night with me as I had become accustomed, and looked forward to daily, or that he was going out with another man.
No matter that the man was Ryder, one of my best and oldest friends. I didn't even want to see the man, or I was afraid of what I would do.
I had to get this under control. I could sense my closing myself off, so I didn't improperly blow up on him, was causing stress for Zin. I knew it, but I couldn't force myself to smile and wave him off as he ran out the door.
Ran away from me.
To another man.
To spend the night with another man.
God dammit.
My nightly bank deposit, closing up the store, making dinner, and feeding Her Majesty was all done in a sort of fugue state as I reprimanded myself for my jealousy and lack of control. I had pushed him away. This was all on me.
And I couldn't punish Zin for not wanting to be alone, in a platonic relationship with a man who wouldn't even touch him.
But I would make it right, I told myself, over and over as I dressed for bed. I would apologize for my behavior when he came home, claim some stomach bug or something. And the next time he wanted to go out with Ryder, or whoever else he wanted to spend his nights with, I would smile and I would bite my fucking tongue and I would wave as he left.
Over and over as I lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and holding myself back, I promised myself. I promised I would stay calm. I would let him go. I wouldn't hold him back from living his life.
Over and over, as the night waned and he still didn't return. Until I was sitting up on the couch, staring at the clock, watching as the hours ticked by, midnight, 3am, 5am, and he still hadn't come home.
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Tarot: the Fool- Paranormal M/M Romance
Fantastique**On indefinite hold** A clairvoyant gypsy, a bookstore owner, and the Romany mafia. What could possibly go wrong? Zin is a clairvoyant street kid, trying to find freedom from an abusive man he'd thought he could trust. Along with Her Majesty, his t...
