Demons

Depression

Lilliana, the popular, honey blonde haired girl with dazzling golden eyes that seemed to sparkle when she was happy. No, Lilliana was not the stereotypical popular mean girl with her followers that would tend to her every need, waltzing around like she owned the place. Lilliana was humble, kind, smart, some may even say nerdy or geeky. Before high school, she was a nobody, she had her two friends, Alina and Taryn and that was all she needed. Hanging out with the girls, playing video games till 1 am only to lay in bed chatting about the wonders of the world until the sun came up, causing her to get large black rimmed glasses a couple months later from all the video games.

But once she got to high school everything changed, well I wouldn't say everything, it was more like she had a glow up. More people began to talk to her, her appearance changed; her skin cleared, hair grew long with soft curls, face narrowed. And BAM! In only a few short months of moving to high school with her two besties, she became the most popular girl in the whole school along with her two friends by her side the whole way. She still considered Alina and Taryn her best friends and hung out with them at lunch, occasionally having some other students join them.

But all was not as it seemed, although Lilliana had all these people who loved and adored her, yet still, she felt alone and sad. Every day, plastering a fake smile, forcing a laugh, putting on a mask of happiness for all these people that she felt she wasn't good enough for. All the love and joy that surrounded her, she couldn't see it. She didn't know how these people felt towards her, even Alina and Taryn. She constantly was doubting herself and others; they're all lying, they are too kind to say anything to my face. She couldn't accept that the people all around her loved and cared deeply for her.

There were days when she would be happy, some when she was sad. She wanted to make everything better, she knew she had depression and wanted to do something about it. Telling herself that she was good enough, that people cared about her as much as she cared for them. And it worked, for a couple of days, maybe weeks if she was lucky. She would feel happy, going on without a hitch. 'I did it.' She would think, 'I've done it. I've drowned my demons.'

But she quickly realised, that it doesn't work like that, it may work for a little while but that is only holding them down. Once she was vulnerable, they would push past the restrictions. Grabbing Lilliana by the ankles they pulled her down. Struggling and squirming, reaching out towards the light that was getting further and further away from her. She would succumb to the darkness, locked in the cage that once held her demons. The only difference was that they weren't alone. The many demons in forms of self-deprecation, constantly pounding against the barrier she had put around her heart. The one thing that protected her from the harmful words, they had made a crack. The thin lines spreading to the rest of the wall of protection. Then it started to crumble, falling into nothingness and leaving her heart open. They had won, the demons had broken through. Broken the already fragile girl down to nothing.

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'Sorry I took so long,' Lilliana said, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly.

'If I'm late for class because of you.' Alina threatened jokingly.

Taryn rolled her eyes, laughing a little as she turned her attention to Lilliana. 'It's fine. Let's just g-' Taryn cut herself off mid-sentence as her eyebrows furrowed in worry, noticing the slightly red and puffy eyes of her friend, almost as if she was crying. 'Hey, are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine. What makes you say that?' Lilliana raised an eyebrow in question.

'No, I get where she's coming from, your eyes are all puffy and red.' Alina inspected her face, moving closer to her to get a better look, bringing her hand to Lilliana's face.

She swatted Alina's hand away from her face. 'Guys, I'm fine. I just didn't get much sleep last night, I was studying for that big test on Friday.' What she said wasn't really lying as she did stay up late, only not for the reason, she told her friends.

Alina looked to Taryn then back to Lilliana after getting only a shrug from Taryn.

'I don't want to experience the wrath of Alina so we should probably get to class.' Lilliana pointed out.

Alina sighed and pouted. 'I don't wanna go to class,' she whined.

'Weren't you the one who threatened our friend if we were late to class?' Taryn pointed out smugly.

'Yeah, but.' Alina started but then quickly shut her mouth once she realised she had nothing to say.

Alina pouted even more as Taryn laughed. 'Come on, let's go.' She commanded before slightly nudging the sulking Alina in the direction of their homeroom.

Once the two girls started walking Lilliana frowned, 'They almost caught me.' She thought, 'I don't want them to worry, I just need to try harder to keep it all hidden.' Quickly her sullen expression morphed into a practised smile, supposedly bright yet it didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes that were once full of joy and hope had turned dull and defeated. Despite the loss of life in her now bronze eyes no one seemed to notice the pain that this small girl held, concealed with practised smiles and fake emotions. She hid it all, determined to let no one else know what she was truly feeling as she quietly followed after her friends to her homeroom.