Lonely

P.5

Devin's POV

I tossed and turned in my sleep. I woke up and the clock said 8:30am. I sat up and Karmen wasnt next to me. "Did I dream about the whole sex thing?"

Hey, did you sleep over here last night? - sent at 8:30am

I plopped my phone down on my bed and went through recent photos I took on my camera. I didn't get a response so I decided to occupy my self until around 9:30. I freshened up and got dress so I can take mama to go get her medication.
She's been in the house lately, she seems to be getting depressed again. Its almost like she's reliving the day dad left. I've been responsible for cooking and cleaning around here because she just shuts everything out. So I decided to let her tag along with me and maybe even get some breakfast.

I knocked on her door and got no answer. I walked in and she was sitting up in the bed looking out the window.

"Ma? You good?" I asked as I walked into her room. She turned her head and gave me a little smile. "Yes baby, I'm alright." She sounded so drained and tired.

"Are you going to get dressed so we can go pick up your medicine? Just to get out the house?" I asked as I stood at the door watching her.

She dropped her head and then looked back up at me.

"My baby boy, you're so good to me." She began. "Remember when you use to always try to take control of the cooking or cleaning because you always thought I was a Queen that needed rest?"

I smiled and just listened. "When Jordan was born you always wanted to feed him and didn't want me to touch him." She started again. Then she took a deep breath and tilted her head back.

"Mom what's wrong?" I asked as I sat next to her.

She locked her eyes with mine as tears trickled down her face.
"I'm not ready to leave my babies."

"Leave? Ma, you're not going anywhere you're talking crazy right now." She grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them.

"I had a dream Devin, I was outside picking flowers in Grandma Pearlie's garden back home in Alabama...and two birds were in the yard fighting. A white bird and black bird. The white bird was fighting for its life at one point. It was winning the battle from the start. But then the black bird started winning the fight...the white bird started to get weaker and weaker Devin..then-" she got choked up on her words.

"What are you trying to say Ma?" I asked as I felt my eyes water.

"I'm that bird Devin...I'm getting tired. It's a message from God letting me know my time is coming. I thought sure he had other plans for me when he took my cancer away years back. But maybe it's my time."

"No mama!" I yelled as I pulled away. "Dont talk like that...you're gonna be alright. You always told us that."

"I'm not so sure anymore.." she said. I couldn't take hearing her talk like this. I stormed out the room and went towards the front door.

"Devin." I heard her call out for me but I kept walking.

I walked to the grocery store down the street to grab a beer since there wasnt anymore in the house. I sat on the bench outside the store and started drinking.