CODES

E I G H T E E N

I shot up in bed. The darkness of my bedroom filled the space. There was the tiny blinking red light of our TV, the white numbers of our digital wall clock—2:39 A.M.­ But Polk was gone, and with him left the Void. It was just me, my reality, and the blankets covering my legs.

Glancing down at my hands, I unclenched my fists. I was covered in sweat. Judging by my side, I had thrashed, kicked, and who knew what else. But looking at Clara, she looked so peaceful, unbothered. Maybe I wasn't that bad; it just felt more horrible than it was.

Still, that didn't change how I felt. My heart hammered in my chest. I was awake, but I was still gasping. Glimpses of Polk's face flashed in my mind. And what he said echoed:

"Roger, it would be a shame if everyone knew who you really are."

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I slowly made my way over to our bathroom. The sound of the lights coming to life when I walked inside echoed in our studio apartment. And when I looked in the mirror, at my reflection, I heard my heart echo with it.

"I said are, because it's not like you really changed. You did the same thing during the Digital War, right?"

I touched my neck, my face. My veins were bold, pulsing red under my skin. When I touched them, they were tender. If I pressed, they hurt. Hissing, I leaned against the bathroom sink and took a closer look at myself.

"What the fuck...?" I'd been with Malfunctioners since Codes were created. I was a Code, I knew all of our ailments. Right? I had to. It was my job. These were my people.

"Swapped sides, looked out for yourself?"

Dipping my head forward, I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. It was a dream, yes, but what he said held weight, didn't it? It felt like it did. I'd gone through my memories, replayed the moments in my first life where I looked out for myself, tried to put my family first, and swamped the sides of the war. But I had a good reason. The war was done, and I couldn't be on the losing side. I was done being lied to, tricked, and manipulated.

And yet, as I lifted my head to look back at my sickly reflection, I thought of what Polk said. He mentioned the Digital War, the months I spent living inside of Clara's head. I hadn't swapped sides then. I was a Code, by name, but nothing else. Clara had broken my program, undid my chains. When I became aware, I only knew one side. Her side.

So, I couldn't have swapped...

I had no memories of it...

"What does this mean?" I whispered, pushing away from the mirror. I touched my neck again and felt tears burn in my eyes. "And why does this hurt so much?"

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The morning sun broke through our window, but by the time it touched Clara's face I'd dressed, kissed her cheek, and quietly left our apartment. I knew she'd call me as soon as she realized I wasn't home, but I needed to take the long way to work. To clear my head.

And make a call.

Halfway to Provincial Hall, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and called Xerses. If he wasn't at the hall already, I knew he would be. And if he was, he'd be ready to listen.

"Rog?" To my surprise, Xerses was tired on the other line. "We don't go in for another hour. Are you okay?"

I stopped at the next intersection. Cars waited patiently for the streetlights to change. Or was it for me to cross?

"Were you still sleeping?" I asked Xerses as I focused on the time in the corner of my eyes. "I thought you'd be awake by now. Sorry if I woke you up, man."