The Girl who Survived Hell (h2odelirious x reader) [completed]

What if the fight is all I am?

hi everyone! i just want to say thank you, to dax ferret for adding my story to a "great books" playlist! that made me feel very happy and made me want to continue to write! The panic attack part of this story, is based off of me. I suffer from panic attacks and I wanted to add a element of me, to you.
  After that "meeting" at the town hall, you and your group was put together in the Libra group. We had to be "punished" for knocking down the gate, so we were all taken to a cell. For me, Bryce, Evan, Marcel and Craig, this cell was new.
  It was much better than that tunnel you were in before, but only so much better. There was no musty smell, but it wasn't like it smelled like rainbows.
"FUCK! THAT SON OF A BITCH!" Jon screamed.
  All you could do was sit in a bed, staring off. Just as the bad memories went away, they came back.
  All the sudden, you felt as if there was ants crawling all over your body. They started at your toes, then foot, then your whole leg.
  "Get off of me!" You yelled, trying to flick off the non-existent ants.
  Then you felt like your throat was closing. You felt like you couldn't breathe, you were gasping for air.
  "H-he-he-hel-help m-m-m-me-" You cried.
  Everyone was starting at you. Jon rushed over took a hold of you. What was happening to you? You're sight was going blurry, you could barley see his face anymore.
  "Y/N?! Y/N are you okay?! SOMEONE GET HELP!" He cried. He was begging for someone to help.
  The team started to scream for help, as the feeling left your legs. You tried to stand but that wasn't working. You just laid on the bed, crying, gasping for air, trying to flick off the ants that weren't there. All the sudden, sleep consumed your body and you closed your eyes.
                             Later that day
"Y/N? Please wake up." You heard Jon's voice and immediately woke up.
"You had a panic attack." Brock told you. Putting a hand on your shoulder.
"Is that what happened to me back at the camp too?" You asked, you went to go stand up, your legs were a little wobbly, but you could walk.
"Yeah, I wasn't sure, but now I am." Brock spoke to you with a pity in his voice.
"She got them from our mom. She would have those all the time, but Y/N was too little to know." Bryce looked at you, with sad, sad eyes.
Jon took you into his arms, it was a long hug, but it was what you needed. You needed him.
"I'll always be there for you, no matter what okay?" Jon let go of you, so you could meet his eyes.
  You nodded in agreement. He took you back into his arms to finish the hug, eventually letting you go.
  You're body was aching and tired. You needed more sleep.
"I'm so tired." You started to cry when you spoke.
"I don't think I can do this. Not again. Once is enough. Maybe this time I should let the darkness take me. It hurts. It hurts to fight back. And I just can't do it anymore!" You tired your head, facing away from the group. You didn't want them to see you like this.
"But if course I fight every time! Every time." You had to let it out.
"Just get the fight out of you." Evan said, looking at your tear streamed face when he spoke.
"What if the fight is all I am?" You looked into Evan's eyes.
"This is the rest of our lives! Don't you get that! This is who we are! This is what we are! The fight is all we are! THERE IS NO LETTING GO!" You couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
  Marcel looked at you and began to cry. He knew what you were saying was the truth. There is no letting go.
"The fight is all we will ever be..."
  You let the words consume you. Eat at your heart. Tear you apart. This was you. This broken, little girl.
"I've never had a life. No friends. Not even a family. The fight is all I've ever been guys. There is no going back from what I've been through. The pain still lingers." You wouldn't stop talking.
You turned to your side, to see Jon. You looked into his eyes. He was crying too. You didn't mean to make him cry. This isn't what you wanted.
"Maybe it would be better if that gun was loaded..."
"Don't you ever say that again," Jon looked up at you, "this isn't you. You are an amazing women. Not a broken girl. Don't let what has happened change you. Let it make you stronger. This isn't the girl I feel in love with. Where is the real Y/N?"
"This is the real Y/N." You told him.
"It's not! The real Y/N would say 'We need to continue on! Save the few means save the many! We are a team and we are going to make it through this!'" He looked at you with a smile.
"He's right Y/N. This isn't you." Tyler said.
"Yeah!" Everyone else followed.
  "Ha," you sniffed, and wiped away the tears, "using my own lines against me? I see. Well, this is why I love you. I love you all." You told them.
  Jon picked you up and twirled you around. As he set you down you both looked into each others eyes. You put a hand on his shoulder, and he leaned in.
  Your lips touched his. In that moment, maybe, just maybe, life was good again. The world was fair again. Love was real again. Life was worth living.