thoughts and feelings

i cant anymore

I can't anymore
I'm suicidal
I've tried doing it but unfortunately didn't get to
But in a way I don't want to do it either because it will cause my friend and family more pain than I've ever felt.
So I hurt mysekf but not in a way people can notice just with a bobble on my wrist.
It's not doing anything but taking away the pain I hope to feel. I hope to feel pain because I'm not good enough I'm waisting oxygen I'm not needed and people who are waisting stuff so valuable sometimes get pain and I feel like I should hurt mysekf because no one will has the guts to do it.
I haven't eaten anything in a week
Not because Im choosing to but just because I can't. I physically can't
But I can't tell anyone this because they won't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing
No one has ever understood
And no one probably will