I could lie and say that as the weeks went on I was good. I could tell you that I shifted back, found some clothes, and went to find a job. I, however, have never been one to lie. As the days went by, I realized the harsh reality of the situation I was in. I was a 17 year old girl on her own.Sure i was a wolf but it's not like the police would beleive me, and i'd rather not be checked into the psych ward at the hospital.
I stayed in my wolf form mostly. I tried to eat the small animals and deer, I lost myself to my wolf for months at a time. It was all so much simpler, hunt, eat, sleep, and run. I didnt have to feel, it was just a routine. I found myself wishing i could've just turned completely rogue and died. Than it would be done, I would have been buried next to my brother, and eventually my parents would have joined us in the ground.
I didn't look at these thought's as morbid anymore. I looked at them as life, it was how it was supposed to happen. I couldunderstand why my brother so willingly died to protect me. He was never scared to die, he never worried about completing lifes circle.
Kurt had warned me back than, that other packs didn't lik turned wolves, he'd told me to come live with him where I would be safe. I couldn't stop seeing my brother and my parents though, that was something i wouldnt agree with. It had cost my brother his life.
I had blamed myself for his death for so long after that. Kurt had never helped me through that, it was the loneliest time of my life. Jason was Kurts best friend and Kurt blamed me for not listening to him. He was a hypocrite I could see that now, how he never blamed himself. While i was supposed to keep away from my brother, who was flesh and blood related to me, Kurt was aloud to keep on seeing him.
So i went behind Kurts back. I couldnt listen to him talk about Jason like it would make it any better that I couldnt see him. After Jason had died my family moved in with Kurts. It wasnt safe anymore for them to be alone whether they were around me or not.
I had found out i was incapable of crying around a month or two ago. If I cried it was blood, and if i cried to much it would make me weak, much like losing to much blood from a cut would. The last time that had happened I'd run into a pack, needless to say they were not happy about me being on their land. I had killed ten of them before I found a chance to run off.
I could say that i felt guilty for their deaths but I was taken over by my wolf, human emotions were trivial, and for my wolf killing those men was survival. A matter of life and death. At some point though i realized i couldnt stay in my wolf form forever. After awhile being a wolf got boring, I craved real food instead of the animals i had been eating.
I craved mac n cheese and veggies, warm cooked food. I also found myself craving a bed. So finally i took it upon myself to shift back .
I was careful i found a small town and broke into a clothing store, I managed to get soap, food and some water too. I found a duffel bag and carried it all in my mouth back to the small area i had chosen to shift in. The small river was clear enough that i would be able to get most of the mud and blood off of myself. I knew also that after i had cleaned myself up i would need to get used to walking and talking again.
I held my breath as i thought of my human body. I could say it was like magic and one second i was a wolf the next i was human, but thats a lie and like i said im not a liar. The feeling of my bones braking and reforming would always be agonizing. The only exception was that after a time you gt numbed to it and it just becomes normal. In my case, however, with not shifting in so long it was agonizing and slow.
I willed myself to take deep breaths as my bones cracked and finally i was laying on the ground my long hair spread around me. My limbs sprawled akwardly on the ground.
Pulling myself towards the water I finally managed to get accustomed to my hands and fingers and i was able to pull myself onto all fours again. The water was cold, but my body temperature was high so i was able to get used to it quickly.
I washed myself carefully making sure to get all the dirt and leaves out of my hair and all the blood off my face and body. When i was finished i managed to stand up straight and started my first attempts at walking.
My legs were stiff and sore and as i started to think the numbness that covered my emotions as a wolf started to fade away. SLowly i realized it was going to be harder than i thought being human again...
So marie this is just for you<3 lol but you should seriously comment and vote and stuff itll make me feel cool lol!
