The hotel room I was in was by no means nice. It smelled like cigarettes and urine if I was to be honest. Howerver, there was a bed, a shower, and room service so it would have to do for now. The bed felt like heaven. It may not have been the nicest bed, but after 17 months of on and off sleeping on the ground, or in tree branches. The bed felt like paradise on wood.
I didn't even give myself time to shower or eat before i passed out on the bed. My dreams weren't sweet. I'd become used to the nightmares that plagued me. I saw the worlds problems. The muggers, rapists, murderers, serial killers kidnappers. I saw drug dealers and gang members. Drunks, and druggies. It was all so pitiful and stupid. There was no way to understand why these stupid humans did what they did. I couldn't fathom how i had ever been so naive and innocent to the ways of the world.
The dream I had left me panting. It was a memory of when i was fifteen. At my grandmothers birthday. I had written her a poem, i had thought it was really good and i was proud of myself. It was her gift i had framed it and written in my nicest handwriting trying to make it look proffesional. I read it aloud to everyone at the party, it had gone,
Dont worry about the wrinkles,
count them,
They mean you've smiled to much in your life,
Dont worry about achey hands,
embrace them,
They mean you've held to many people up,
Dont worry about the graying hair,
love it,
It reminds you how many people you cared enough to worry about,
Dont cry because your gaining pounds,
enjoy it,
It means you've eaten one to many good meals in your life,
Dont be upset because your weakening,
be proud,
It means you've been strong long enough,
Dont worry about death,
It means you've lived,
dont look at old pictures and wish you were young and beautiful,
because everything about you and your life will always be perfect,
dont regret your mistakes,
because they've brought you to this moment.
My grandmother had scoffed at me and asked me if i was so cheap that i couldnt even spend any money on her before she died. She omplained that i didn't have a job. She made a fool of me in front of her friends. I just smiled and apologized. A week later my poem was published. I spent all the money buying her something she would aprove of, she never even thanked me.
It seemed that my whole life was spent trying to make everyone happy. I tried so hard to live up to my brother and the rest of my family, but it seemed i never could, and obviously never would. It had occured to me shortly after i left the pack before i completely let my wolf take over, that life wasnt for dreaming, It was for killing them. I woke up at ten PM. I couldnt fall back asleep so i got up and headed down the road.
Everything seemed to be closed and i was frustrated unsure of what to do. Finally i saw lights, as i walked towards them i realized it was a club. I was eighteen now, sometime ago while in wolf form i had passed my birthday. In all my years i had never gone to a club. i was never one to disappoint anyone.
I made the decision before i even realized i had. I cut the line all the way up to the front and looked at the bouncer. he looked me up and down and smirked. I snorted he would be easy to get past.
I smiled at him and his smirk grew.
"and who might you be?" He had a deep voice, it seemed far to deep to fit him, but somehow it did. his hair was short and his shoulders broad. He had striking eyes, they were a gold. He smelled great and it took me a second to realize he was a shifter.
Immediatly my smile turned to a smirk, this was going to be a fun night indeed.
I was right. It was almost to easy to get passed the guy at the front entrance. He'd told me his name was Steve. I knew he thought he would be getting with me later, but it just made me want to laugh and gag at the same time. I would say warning bells were ringing in the back of my head, telling me entering a club of shifters was bad, but i no longer had warning bells.
The smell of the club filled my senses. Being around people, human and shifter was amazing. I could say the smell of sweat, sex and perfume was gross, but it just wasnt. It smelled purely intoxicating. there were so many heartbeats in this club, and so many voices. They all just seemed melodic, beautiful and different.
The music was pounding, and i felt drunk off the idea of me being here at all. My smile grew wider as i started to see peoples eyes flashing. Now i knew there were wolves here. The idea made my excitement grow. I had never danced before, didnt even know if i could but i didnt care about little things like looking stupid anymore. I was here for myself, not anyone else.
The feeling of letting myself go into the beat of the music shook me to my core, I knew if my heart were able to beat it would be going along to the music. People were all around me and no one looked at me as though i were different.
I fit in here, I belonged. I was high, thats the only way to describe it. Bodies moving around me brushing against me, being around people and wolves.
Speaking of wolves, i assumed my scent was covered by the people around me because no wolves had approached me yet. I wasnt worried about the wolf pack though. I was stronger than any and all of them. As the dance floor got more crowded i turned and left it.
I felt different, like a little piece of me had fallen back into place and it felt good. On my way out the door I was hit with a scent like none i had ever smelled before. It was beautiful and it brought emotions all throughout me.
I felt like i was breaking, like i had shattered, than all of a sudden like i had been put back together. Tears fell from my eyes and i could do nothing but stand there and let them run down my cheeks. I couldnt move, It was to much and not enough all at the same time. I felt like i was waking up after a nightmare to find my mom and dad hugging me. Like i had blown out all the candles on my birthday cake and my wish had come true.
It was the most perfect moment of my life. As the smell faded two things happened, I smelled salt water, and i heard the most beautiful sound i had heard in 17 months. I wiped my cheeks to find real tears, and my heart started beating in my chest.
When i had finally gathered myself back together, I turned to find that scent. I couldnt smell it anymore and it made me feel like crying all over again. As i walked through the crowd my nose in the air, my heartbeat started to slow back down. A dark cloud seemed to settle over my vision. It shouldnt have scared me, it had happened before, i had felt it before. but the pain came back full force blackness throbbing through my veins. I didnt want to but i started to cry. I reached the back of the club to find a door, I quickly walked through it knowing my eyes were flashing and i was crying blood.
As i closed the door behind me, I saw two men walk towards me. They werent walking fast, but there was something in their stance that made me try to be on gaurd. The pain hit again though as my body fought the darkness harder trying to keep my heartbeat. In seconds they stood over me and i did nothing to stop them, I just clutched at my chest in agony begging my heart to stay strong. I had to find out what that smell was and why it made my heart beat. Blood was pouring down my cheeks and i could do nothing but helplessly let it slide down them making trails down my cheeks.
I could feel myself weakening as the blood dripped onto the ground next to me soaking my clothes and the dirt of the alleyway. I could see the mens eyes glint and i knew in this state i couldnt fight. I hoped the darkness took me before they could kill me. My eyes slid shut as my heart took its final beats the darkness flooding my veins at long last. After 17 months of being walking dead, I was finally going to succumb and be done. Just as that thought passed my mind, my heart beat one last time, and i took my last breath. With it came something intoxicating. My mind went blank, for how long i dont know, but all of a sudden i was gasping, and my heart was going insane. I opened my eyes to look into the exact replica of my own eyes, and they looked just as in awe and confused as me..
