Daring to be Dauntless (A Divergent Fanfiction)

Chapter 3- Letters

The walls are painted white with matching tile-- the same color scheme for all of Erudite. To me it looks futuristic, but under all the paint and tile, it looks like a jail cell. Every day, I ask myself “What did I do?”
But then again if I hadn’t, would I be saying the same thing?
The hallway is dead today, probably because of it being the Choosing Ceremony-- most Erudite had gathered there. They wanted to be onlookers, and since the ratio in Erudite aptitudes were higher this year than the past three, they were not going to pass the chance to gloat. 
I sweep past the labs and past the computer rooms and to the elevator. I punch the button for the seventh floor and after the doors close, I remove my glasses and pinch the bridge of my nose.
I heave a sigh, finally, relief from playing around with that mechanical junk.
I told Tyler, an aggravating menace, that it wouldn’t work but he just had to go on and try it, and electrocute me in the process.
I stare at the blackened tip of my nail- it throbs. Stupid Tyler.
The music in the elevator sucks, as always. I remember my first ride in the Erudite elevator with Jeanine at my side and Michael and my father behind me.
We got right on with the initiation, since I was a new transfer I was assigned with someone who could help or tutor me in what I lacked knowledge for; which was just about everything.
Jeanine held me close like her pet for the first year and soon she began to treat me like a puppy growing up. She reaches out to give me jobs and she even gave me the promotion to being the new transfers' tutor. Yay for me! Sarcasm should be evident. 
As the bell rings and the glass doors slide open, I rush past a debating group of boys who don’t seem to care that they just plowed through me.
I learned not to care anymore, when Erudite people, no matter who they are, are in a debate…never talk to them. Ever. 
“Again?” Someone says from behind me. I half turn into the boy who smiles as I fall against his chest.
His brown hair is slicked to the side and his glasses are slightly askew.
“Hey Ben,” I smile.
He wraps an arm around my shoulder and we walk down the hall together. “Why do you keep getting ran over?” He half laughs with a sparkle in his green irises.
“I don’t know. I’m invisible so they probably don’t even realize.”
“Trust me…” he pauses, “they realize.”
“Yeah?”
He smirks and pulls me closer as another group of debating boys goes by. Jeez, what is with all the debates this afternoon?
“They are boys Aria; they know when they accidentally brush up against a girl.”
"They more of trampled me then brushed up against me," I say smirking. 
"If that's what you want to believe," he smiles. 
After I came to Erudite someone told me about being able to change your name. Magdalena didn’t feel right anymore. Magdalena Eaton would connect me to Marcus, and the nickname Lena reminds me of Tobias…when he would call my name when Marcus would hit him. Oh…the memories.
I roll my eyes and shrug. “What are you going to do about it now?”
“Kick their butts,” he says matter-of-factly. We both laugh and stop in front of the lab doors.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he smiles and quickly departs.
I say “bye” but he is too far to hear it so it goes unnoticed.
I swipe an ID card hanging from a lanyard with my pass code on it. The electronic scanner beeps and the door clicks open.

I push it open to a dark room, lit only by one light fixture hanging above a work bench. Behind the work bench a boy stands, carefully using a dropper to distribute the perfect amount of serum to each test tube.
“Well don’t just stand there, get in and shut the door,” he says short of growling. His lips are curled down into a frown and his eyebrows are furrowed.
I do as told and shut the door tightly behind me. I pick up a lab coat and slip it on, not bothering to button it up. He wears a similar one, except it’s not fresh and clean.
“Going to Amity?” I question.
He nods shortly and adds two drops into a tube.
He’s been assigned to set up a new water filtration system for Amity with a couple other Erudite boys. Probably the same ones who got all touchy according to Ben.
He let his hair grow out of the short Abnegation cut he had at sixteen. Under the coat he wears a tight white shirt and blue jeans. His hair is all messed up and his glasses are crooked.
“You’re a mess,” I say nudging him.
He drops some serum on the counter and his motions cease. He looks at me slowly and then his hand lands at the back of my head.
“Stop messing around!’ he snaps. “Does limited supply mean anything to you?” He shows me the dropper before bending over to drop more in the tube.
“Sorry,” I mumble under my breath.
Michael changed his name too, and in all honesty he is living up to the evil brother persona. He nicknamed himself Caine-- so that's what we call him.
I just wonder if he realizes this makes Tobias (Abel) and Caine kills Abel. Chills.
He doesn’t bother looking at me anymore, or talking. I sit on a stool and watch him mix different serums together. I lean on an elbow and press my palm into my forehead.
“You miss lover-boy don’t you?” Caine says all of a sudden, he's still concentrating on the test tubes.
It catches me off guard that he would even mention him.
Caine always hated Tobias, for being more smart, handsome, funny, everything. Tobias beat him in everything.
I let my fingers run through my hair. I don’t look at him but shrug. “He’s not my lover-boy.”
“Oh yeah, all those times you two made out on-,” I cut him off.
“We were like six Caine, we were kids, and kids do stupid stuff.”
He smirks just a little and puts the dropper in a glass case and turns to look at me. He pulls up a stool and rests his elbow on the counter and removes his glasses. He looks so much older, so different.
His eyes have turned from bright to dull blue in the past two years and his body has begun to grow smaller. He looks like a scientist no doubt; he’s got the whole narrow, scrawny, over worked look about him.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have a crush on him.”
I roll my eyes. “Alright, I had a crush on him but that was before I grasped the meaning of cousin. In case you forgot, when Marcus beat the crap out of me he hit me in the head and I lost a couple cells.” 
Caine laughs. His voice was high pitched and raw sounding.
“You lost more than a couple.”
I smack him on the leg and he looks at me. He looks different, not in physical looks, more mental, he looks more like…a caring brother. Caring brother? What am I saying?
“But yeah, I miss him.”

“Write him.” He says flatly.
I raise my eyebrows half an inch; “I can do that?”
“Duh, hello anybody home?” He rolls his eyes and knocks with a fist on my head. I push his hand away and smile.
“You got paper?”
“Some over there, pens too.” He points to a cabinet over a counter. “I have to go, don’t mess with this.” He motions to the tubes of serum. I nod and quickly go to the cabinets.
He strips off the lab coat and deposits it in a laundry shoot on the back wall of the lab. “When will you be back?” I ask grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen.
“Why do you care?” he shoots back.
Here we are, back to old Caine.
“Thought I would try to care,” I say softly.
“Ha, well don’t.”
Without a goodbye, he places his glasses back on his face and walks out the door shutting it behind him.
I sit alone, it’s more eerie in here now that he is gone. I had one glimpse of my old life sitting on a stool five inches away and just like that it walked out the door-- literally.

I tap the pen on the counter and stare at the blank piece of paper. The edges crisp and the page white; like the rest of this place. 
My mind is spiraling out of control. What could I write to him? Will he have already forgotten about me? My God, no. That can’t be the case.
I start it off like any other letter that has been written in history.

Dear Tobias.

I search for the words that aren’t coming. I have all the words I want to say somewhere in the back of my brain. I want to tell him everything that is happening.
The clock on the wall is growing closer to the time that the group of initiates and transfers are supposed to return, I need to hurry with this letter if I want to write it finished.
“Think Ria, think,” I grip the pen so hard my knuckles begin to turn white.
Finally I get it.

Dear Tobias,

It feels like century has gone by before I could speak to you again. I wanted to apologize for what happened that day. I had completely left you- ditched on our former plans.
I spoke with Caine (Michael, he changed his name. I think it suits him well don’t you?) He suggested writing you. I guess he got tired of seeing me mopping around and needlessly bothering him.
I changed my name too, it’s now Aria. Aria means Lion- lions are supposed to be brave and strong; I guess that was me trying to save my wanted decision of going with you to Dauntless.
The promise that I let you down on. I feel like such a bad person.
How is Dauntless? If you don’t write back I will presume you either have no time for me, hate me for leaving you, are busy with new friends or you just wimped out and went to live with the Factionless- (I’m sure you wouldn’t do the latter though, I know it was your plan…our plan, but I’m sure you are better off in Dauntless where you aren’t eating out of cans.)
I hope you are alright, I hope you have a good job in Dauntless. I work with a beloved woman here in Erudite, her name is Jeanine Matthews and may I add that she has to be the best mentor I could ever have. She’s taught me so much Tobias.
If you ever receive this, because I don’t know if Dauntless has any kind of law about this being stupid, or wimpy, (one that I skipped over in the Dauntless Faction book I read about a million times now), then please write me back, even if the only words on the page are “I am fine.”
Please Tobias. I am sorry for what happened. I still love you.

Love,
      Lena/ Aria.