Jillian Rose

Chapter 5

I saw Dr. Greer when my antibiotics ran out. This time I had to go to her. It made me nervous to venture out of the apartment and farther away from the Neon District. I had lived near Sansapolis my entire life, inside the city for 2, and I still didn't know my way around. I don't know what was worse, the stories about being mugged, murdered, kidnapped, or the mob that made me nervous, or if it was a city wide man hunt that was out for me. The rational part of my brain knew no one was actively looking for me. They might have been ten months ago, but right now, I was just a face on a flier at the grocery store next to the other 20 missing children. I was a name on a list that was a mile long.

I sat in Dr. Greer's office, naked below the waist, a paper blanket over my lap. I looked at the contraptions near the end of the examining table. Stir ups, is what the nurse had called them when she walked me through the examination-before I got undressed. I looked up at the florescent lighting. Ancient memories of alien abduction movies came to mind.

I put my legs in the stir ups when Dr. Greer told me to and wished we were back at the apartment. This felt even more humiliating. She was talking to me, something about being cold. I heard what sounded like a foil wrapper being opened. I sat up and looked at her from between my legs. She was holding a metal wand, and sliding what looked like a condom over it. Fuck me. She was going to put THAT inside me?

I laid back when she told me to and took a deep breath when she told me to relax, that I would only feel pressure. The alien abduction movies came back. I was convinced no one had ever been abducted. All those stories were just nightmares of going to the Gynecologist.

"What are you doing?" I asked softly.

Her answer was harsh. She had probably already explained it to me while I was thinking about alien abductions and not listening to her. "An ultrasound"

"Why? I'm not pregnant. That is when you got those, right?"

"No, you're not. I'm looking to see how much damage was done."

"Damage?"

"You had undiagnosed Chlamydia for months. Chlamydia can cause scarring in your cervix, your uterus, your fallopian tubes. Left untreated long enough and it can cause you to become sterile. It can cause cysts, tubular pregnancies in the future. You could never have another baby Jillian and if you do get pregnant there will most likely be complications."

"What? I can never have another one?" A primal feeling of fear and dread washed over me.

"That's why I'm doing the ultrasound. I want to see if there is any scarring. Who was your OB-GYN?"

"I didn't have one," my voice was barely audible. I did not want to have this conversation.

"What hospital did you go to?" her voice was getting judgmental again. I did not like her.

"I didn't go to one."

"After care check up?"

I kept quiet.

I could hear her breathing. She was frustrated with me.

"Who's the baby's Pediatritan?"

I stayed silent.

"What did you do with it, Jillian?

"I will never tell you that." My voice was harsh, harsher than I had intended. "You are a doctor. You do not get to judge me. You do not get to ask what happened to me. Your job is to make sure I'm okay right this minute. And if I'm not. Your job is to fix me. Not to be pry."

Silence fell over the room. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes tightly. I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood to keep the tears from spilling out. I inhaled deeply and stared at the alien lights above me.