It is what it is

1

This was written in 2015

LOUIS POV

I stare out the window of the limousine, The rain has slowed up for the evening but the chill inside the car is predominantly present. My mother and father sit opposite me in all their elegance and sophistication, their main security guard Harry Styles sits beside them. His chocolate brown curls hang loose around his gorgeous face and his beautiful green eyes stare out the window, ever the professional and obviously trying to ignore the tense atmosphere inside the car. He is, unbeknownst to him, the reason for this whole mess. The reason I refuse to make eye contact with my parents, I've been ignoring them for two days.

"Louis can we talk about this please" My father asks, his tone pleading and completely out of character for him.

I bring my gaze away from the dull grey sky's of London and rest my eyes on my fathers straight face. I sigh heavily.

"What do you want to talk about? I'm Gay I can't help it, it's not something I chose to be. I understand you're disappointed and disgusted but I can't change who I am" I state matter of factly.

My mother looks uncomfortable and my dad sighs over-dramatically. I turn away from them and fiddle with my stupid tie that's hanging uncomfortably around my neck, I'm supposed to show up to some charity event full of media and important officials and act like my life isn't coming crashing down around me. My so called perfect life is anything but, as the only son of the prime minister of the U.K. I supposedly have a life envied by many. Money and servants at my beck and call, the outside world has been drawn into my life, unwillingly on my part and I'm made out to be this perfect 21 year old who has his life completely on track, I've somehow become England's golden boy and it drives me crazy. Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for what my life has given me and the opportunities I've had have been incredible. I've been able to travel from a young age and have been exposed to such a wide variety of life experiences. It all comes at a price though, I've had to live up to my parents perfect expectations, learn how to act a certain way in public and it gets so tiring. I feel like I've lost who I am and sometimes I just feel like I'm drowning and can't break the surface, no matter how hard I try. I've just graduated university with my fathers choice of a degree in economics, I however have no idea, or desire to do anything with it.

My older sisters Charlotte and Felicity are the epitome of perfect in my parents eyes. Felicity at the tender age of 24 is a paediatrician and graduated her class with top honours, she is a lot like my mum, quiet, a modest achiever. She has long wavy dark hair and has a striking appearance, she has a fiancé and will be married to Luke next year. My oldest sister Charlotte is a married high class lawyer and at 27 has made a very high profile resume for herself. Her husband James is also a lawyer and we get along great, I'm really close to Charlotte and she was the first person I told about me being gay, she was so supportive, unlike my parents who are absolutely flipping shit.

For some reason the public and the social scene have always been interested in my personal life and following my every move as the prime ministers son. Apparently the public won't take well to the news of my sexuality. My parents, although supportive of my choices, don't want me coming out to the public. To say I'm upset is an understatement, I'm feeling ashamed of who I am, not good enough for my parents. I don't want to put them through any embarrassment, but I just want to be me.

"Louis, I don't want to fight about this, I don't want you to for a second, think that I'm disgusted or ashamed of you. You are my son and I will support you and your choices in life. It is however not something the public will take lightly" my father tells me in his gentle voice.

"I know dad but I just......" I can't find the words to explain how I feel.

"I know son, I understand Louis please believe me I do, I just want you to be happy but this can't go public Louis" he tells me.