My Heart, Not Yours

Eleven - Darkness

Warning: themes in this chapter may be triggering

The room was so dark it had to have been night time and the moon had to have been covered by the clouds. I couldn't check if that was so - there were no windows in the room, nor was there a door. I stood alone in the center of the pitch darkness. I was not scared, although I know I should have been. Instead, it felt normal. As if this was a daily occurance.

Suddenly, a light was summoned into every corner of the room. Extravagant flora entwined with each other in such a way it was impossible to see the walls. That is, to presume there were walls. From amongst the unnaturally overgrown daisies, a figure appeared. He was younger than be by at least five years. His eyes smiled although he bit his bottom lip so tight I thought it might start to bleed.

I stood looked straight at him and had just realised I hadn't blinked for an eternity, yet my body did not allow me to do so. I continued to stare at the boy. I smiled.

He dropped to his knees and covered his mouth with his hands as he began to cry. I approached him compulsively and put my arms around him. I began to stroke him back but he jerked up. His eyes were still smiling. "Layla," he whispered, and although I had never heard his voice, I knew exactly who he was. Then, I too began to cry.

**********

The tears ran down my cheeks like ever-flowing rivers as every bad thought entered my mind at once, throwing a party of negativity. I missed him all too much and that one dream had put a dent in my heart. I began to wonder if it was really him or if it was just a mind game. It couldn't really be him. But if it was, he was beautiful.

Then I started to think of everything else:

•My parents think I'm a failure

•Dylan will never love me

•No one would really care if I died

•The world would be better off without me

The familiar ringtone I had set for Gordon began to sound and my head began to pulse to its beats. I picked up my phone and cried to Gordon, telling him my tragic life story.

"Don't think like that!" he persisted.

"But I hate everything! And everything hates me!"

"Yeah but... what is Dylan's secretly in love with you!"

"He's not. Shut up. He wouldn't care if I died."

"Yes, he would. I would. Everyone would."

"Shut up, I'm going to cry."

"Just don't do anything stupid."

I put the phone down and cried more and more. Maybe everything will turn out okay, but that doesn't mean it's okay right now.

**********

Well, that was depressing.

Thanks, it's the depression-

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I love you all and I promise, it will be okay in the end. 

XOXO, Aria