Stories That Will Change Your Life

The Secret of being unconditionally happy

Alert: I'm sorry guys, it's not a story but my life experience.

Let me start off by citing this quote which put this piece of writing in a nutshell. Happiness is not an event; it is a state of mind.

In this day and age, happiness is often regarded as an event that happens through a person, things or situation. Our happiness ratio usually gets divided into these three categories: If you have certain things in your life, then you're happy. If you're with someone who you love, then you're out of the world. When you're in a situation which is cozy and comfortable, then you're settled in life.

We have this notion that comes from movies, "and they lived happily ever after," what does this mean, were they not happy during the movie? So because of all these notions happiness is regarded as an event or destination in our life, not a state of mind. We have the best-selling book, The Alchemist, which has the famous quote, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

But in real life, if we observe, things just don't come to us no matter how hard we desire to have it. Even if it comes but it's not exactly how we'd planned in our head.

The sad reality is that the world doesn't provide us with above parameters of being "happy." Even if it offers at some point, then the end turns out as anti-climax. That's why as per WHO, one of the most significant health challenges that we're facing today is mental issues: anxiety epidemic, stress and depression.

Allow me to elaborate why our conception of "happiness" is an event, not a state of mind.

Things

We live in a highly competitive world, where achievements matter the most. We are told to have a purpose-driven life, set goals, chase the dreams and prove our mettle. Indeed, the life without purpose is like food without salt. But what if we don't achieve the things we struggled so hard, invested our energy and time? All motivational speakers tell us the secrets of  success mantras and those rag to riches success stories. (I believe many of the motivational speakers bombard us with false hope, of course, I'm not criticising them, it's just objective reality.)

Willingly or unwillingly we join the rat race, but the problem is, even if we win the race, we remain rats. I remember learning an economic principle back in my college days, when there is a demand, there is a supply. The trouble with this type of competitive race is demand is too high, but the supply is very less.

For instance, we had FIFA World Cup lately. How many countries pitted against each other? Thirty-one. And how many of them won the cup? Only one. So this means other thirty teams are miserable now. (I'm specially talking in terms of winning as everything.)

Another example, say, you want to buy the latest version of Apple phone, and you work your ass off to buy it (probably by selling one of your kidneys), but after some time new version comes in the market. In this case, the sense of achievement doesn't last for long.

I live in Mumbai, I've read somewhere about eight hundred thousand actors and actresses come here to try their luck in Bollywood. But it's tough to get a break in Bollywood, almost all of them go back to their home. It means the rest of their life these poor actor and actresses have to lead their lives in self-loathing.

We're told that hard work and persistence is the key to success. If we look at Fifa's example, did other teams not work hard enough? Therefore, the definition of success the society has made is such that it has meant to make us sad than happy.

Person

All romantic movies and novels tell us to fall in love with someone. But many times the relationship becomes so frustrating that we fall out of love. One person manipulates the other one; then this doesn't lead to happiness. Like they say girls treat their boyfriends as ATM and guys treat their girlfriends as a sex machine.

There was a survey done on the biggest fear among the people. Two topmost fears were a terror attack and rejection (getting rejected by others). Yeah, I know it's not all relationship are meaningless nowadays, but there are many relationships which fail badly. Sometimes one becomes puppets in the hand of the other and becomes a zombie.

I had one friend, she was a great friend, caring and supportive. She fell in love with a guy, who didn't worth her love. Poor girl tried to save the relationship so hard, but the guy didn't even flinch. She was utterly depressed with life that she was unable to concentrate on her work.

Situation

Of course, situations do play an essential role in our life. We always want things to go right way, let's say many times it goes the way we want. When it doesn't then... haha no comments.

My friend got a govt job, in India govt jobs are great, less work and high income. The guy was elated with his job; his colleagues told him he would leave this job only at the time of retirement. So his life was all set. Unfortunately, after six months, he got tuberculosis in his spinal cord. For the treatment, it took him one month to recover, but before he rejoins his office, the HOD rusticated him from the job and recruited another employee. The poor guy is unemployed for several months now.

So the situations can go out of control at any time.

Conclusion

I know this book suppose to motivate you, not discourage you with harsh reality and uncertainties of this world.

Here comes the real deal.

I'm not saying stop chasing your dreams; I'm not saying don't fall in love; I'm not saying the situation will always go astray.

My only point is don't be dependent on these three factors as the source of your happiness.

Many friends here ask me why I don't become a full-time writer. Well, I tell them I love writing, so becoming a full-time writer or achieving my writing goals is not the driving force of my life. This notion certainly doesn't mean I won't go for it; I will work on it for sure. But even if I don't, then I won't be frustrated. It's because I'm trying not to attach myself with success or failure.

Likewise, you can fall in love with anyone but don't let remote-control of your happiness in anyone else's hand. If he/she press the button of joy, you're happy, if sadness, you're sad. If depression, you're depressed. This treatment doesn't make you a human being but a machine.

Similarly, the good and bad situation will come and go like seasons, but you can train your brain to not getting affected.

I would like to disclose one incident of my life, and I never did it before because I felt people are good at making opinions without knowing the full picture. And I think it's necessary to share now that we've talked a lot about the secret of happiness.

I wasted three years of my life. I didn't have any job or graduate degree. In India, we have the credit system. We have to clear all the subjects so that we can get the degree. So I, of all the students, wasn't able to pass one specific subject because of that I was unable to graduate from my college. My struggle to become a graduate took me two years, and one year I was struggling to get a job. My first job was the worst experience of my life that I absconded it within two months. I thought I would never make it in this corporate world. My friends who got graduated at the first attempt, at this point have jobs in prestigious companies.

Frankly speaking, I was anxious back then at one point. I was getting job offers, but all of them sucked. I kept on ignoring them. The situation was tough, but it didn't disturb my peace of mind or happiness. I was still happy through this period of three years because I connected to a wisdom-tradition which teaches life management.

Of course, I did have a happy ending, it's been a year I'm working in an MNC, and I got decent salary offer that I was able to catch up with those friends who were ahead of me. Now they kind of shoot daggers at me which convey a message. How in the world I was able to get the salary package which took them three years to reach? I only jut out my bottom and shrug.

Now I have an excellent career prospect, but it still doesn't determine my happiness meter. My happiness meter was the same three years ago what it is now. It's not that I have this attitude inbuilt in me, we all can develop this attitude through introspection and wisdom.

Lastly, my only suggestion to you guys is, don't make happiness as an event instead make it your state of mind.