Papercuts || Klance AU

IV - Letters from Garrison Academy

Dear Keith,

Wow, hypocrite much? You have the audacity to accuse me of unexpected awkward tales, but I don't see any warning bells before your mess of a story! I refuse to put notices before any of my recounts. Who knows, I may spring an embarrassing story on you at any moment, like a cringe-ninja. A crinja, even. Prepare thyself, Keith (or should I call you Matt 2.0, after your last letter? You have to admit, it has a nice ring to it.)

Moving on to coming out advice: I'm no expert. I've only done it three times, but I guess the most important thing is that you're safe. Never tell anyone if you think it may create a dangerous situation for you. I've known I was bisexual since I was at least 14, but I held off telling my parents until a few months ago because I didn't know how they would react. I came out to Katie first, back at the beginning of the summer. I knew her brother was gay, so I figured she'd be ok with me. Shortly after that, I told Hunk. They were both really cool with it, and I know I'm pretty lucky to have friends like that.

I managed to go a whole summer of being out to my friends but still surviving the smotheringly heterosexual vibe of home life. Finally, towards the end of Agust, I couldn't take it anymore. After speaking with Hunk and his Mom, we agreed that if my parents reacted badly to me, I could come crash at their house for a while. Just until things had cooled down, until I knew that I was safe. My parents aren't super religious, but they seemed to have their heteronormality-goggles strapped on pretty tight, and always seemed to skirt uncomfortably around the topic of LGBT+ things. It was a risk even bringing it up.

I came out to my parents through the form of a mixtape.

Let me explain: when I say "mixtape", I don't mean an actual tape. This isn't 1972. I use a USB stick like any respectable Gen Z kid would, but I just call them mixtapes because it sounds cooler than "playlist on a USB stick", y'know? I often make mixtapes for people when I need to say things that I can't put into words. When Hunk and Katie and I fell out one time, back in freshman year, we didn't speak to each other for two weeks. Then, one day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I put a little USB stick through each of their doors, attached to a note which simply read "Sorry". It had songs on it like "Castle on the Hill", "Don't look back in Anger" and "What you're thinking". The next day, we were friends again. I've been making mixtapes ever since.

But coming out was different. I chose my songs and left the stick on the kitchen counter labeled "To Mama and Papa" just before they both got home from work. I sent them a text saying I was eating at Hunk's for dinner, but secretly hid in my room and lay as still as I could underneath my bed, heart pounding in my chest.

I heard the car drive up and the two of them come in through the door. Laughing and chattering in Spanish, they walked down the corridor and into the kitchen. The talking stopped for a moment, and then the playlist started as "Te Amo" by Rihanna came on. I could feel the rhythm of their dancing from the floor below, and how it switched when the song changed to Ani Defranco's "In or Out", and switch again when the music became "Billy Brown" by Mika. The three songs' style contrasted abruptly as one ended and another began. I silently prayed they'd noticed the theme.

The final notes echoed out into the kitchen as I held my breath and quietly walked down the stairs. What came next was something I had never done before. I heard the sound of my own voice come on.

"Mama, Papa, there's something I need to tell you," my recording began. I paused. "I'm bisexual."

And that was it.

"Coming Clean" by Green Day started playing, but the dancing had stopped. Timidly, I shuffled into the kitchen. I needed to do this.

When you come out, there is almost always tears. You get lucky if they're happy tears, you get unlucky if they're sad, and you get beaten if they're angry. I will forever be grateful that I got mostly the former, but I won't lie to myself and say that was all it was. Their idea of who their son was had been shattered, and the Lance they had thought they'd known was never coming back. But they still accepted their new son, their real son, into their lives. And that's all I can really ever ask for.

But before I finish that story, I hasten to add that whilst the playlist was running I had my best friends waiting in Hunk's car a block over, and my packed bag hidden by the door. I was ready to run.

I'm not sure what you should take away from all of that, really. Whatever you do, whenever you come out, just make sure you're safe about it, ok?

Anyway, I guess you won't be writing back since your last letter was your third.

This was fun.

Bye,

Lance

***

Dear Matt,

Thanks for the words of advice on coming out about my gender (or lack thereof). I don't think I could bring myself to tell anyone else right now, but I'm glad I can tell you.

What Shiro did to you sounds really shitty, and he had no right to treat you that way. I'm not about to jump to his defense, but I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he's been so silent about the situation is that he's scared. It can be scary realizing you're not actually the "Straighty McStraighGuy" you thought you were. I hasten to remind you that during the year before you came out, you overcompensated in a way that screamed "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". You developed a heavy "crush" on that cheerleader who was dating that one guy who looked like Michael Cera, though it was clear you just wanted to be her, not date her (your obnoxious obsession with actual Michael Cera didn't help your case).

Anyway, my point in this is not to help resurface cringe memories - though as your sibling that is partially my responsibility - but to remind you of how much you overdid your heterosexual act when you first realized that you yourself weren't Straighty McStraightGuy. That was your coping mechanism. Maybe Shiro's coping mechanism is just pretending any of his GayThoughts™ doesn't exist for as long as he can.

This probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but I'm gonna say it anyway: the best thing you can do in this situation is just leave it. If Shiro is really your friend, he'll realize that talking to you is the right thing to do. After all, no one can escape the GayThoughts™ for long - you're walking proof of that!

Cao,

Pidge

***

Dear Shiro,

I'm excited to hear that you're watching "Begin Again" with Matt and Keith! I'm interested to hear what you all thought of it. I've not watched it with anyone else but Romelle yet. She liked it but seemed disappointed by the ending. She said she expected there to be more "juicy romance" at the end, but I think the most beautiful part of the movie was the ending because it doesn't need a "they got married and lived happily ever after", that's what makes it so special. She didn't get it, though. I hope you do.

Thank you for the advice about Lotor. I spoke to him like you said, a few days ago. I told him I was worried that he had been acting off lately, and he explained that he had been stressing out about the academic pressure from his parents that he had been experiencing. I gently reminded him that if he was stressed about things he should talk to me about them instead of bottling them up because that would end up hurting both of us more. He agreed.

Today Lotor gave me a small velvet box. Inside was a gorgeous little pair of Lavender-Raspberry coloured earrings. They were shaped like teardrops and made from opal, my birthstone. Gold backed and attached to two small hooks, they were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. He said it was an apology gift, to make up for how distant he's been lately. He seemed really, genuinely regretful, and eager to make sure I wasn't angry at him. I suppose things will be better between us now, which is good.

So, in return for helping me with my concerns, I want to assist you with a problem you have in your life! If you have any dilemmas that you aren't sure what to do about and need an outside opinion on, then I'm happy to help! Of course, it's fine if you don't want any help, or if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, but the offer is there.

Homework calls, so I must say farewell for now. Thank you again!

Sincerely,

Allura