Tangled Love

Where It All Began.

Bram had always been a quiet kid, he was smart and an introvert. Yet he was also a jock, best friends with one of the most popular guys in school; Garrett Laughlin. The guy had a rep of that typical fuckboy, but Bram has been his friend since Pre-K, so he knows the real Garrett, a virgin, dorky sweetheart that will do anything for his friends.

It's been three years and he's got no idea how his massive crush on Simon Spier wasn't obvious yet, the crush started in Freshman year when Simon offered to help Bram when he fell off the bleachers. While everyone else pointed and laughed at the awkward new kid, Simon got up and held his hand out with that giant smile and Harry Potter glasses. His fate was sealed that day, or so he thought. It may have been the day Garrett confessed he had a crush on Leah Burke, who happens to be one of Simon's best friends. As mentioned earlier, Bram is smart. So of course, he pushed the idea into Garrett's head to go sit with Leah during lunch. Why would Bram do such a thing when he's always enjoyed his small silent lunch table he shared with just Garrett alone? Because Simon Spier sits at Leah's table and any excuse to be closer to his crush...

That was two years ago, they're Juniors now and Bram has been sitting across from Simon at lunch every single week day for the past two years, yet he has not said a single word to the guy. Every time he tries, his throat closes, and he feels faint. So, in the end Bram became that sweet quiet kid at the lunch table of five. Abby Suso, Garrett, Nick Eisner, Leah, Simon and Bram. He was a good listener, always paying attention to what everyone said and giving the occasional chuckle or nod.

Garrett knew this behavior wasn't like his best friend and he figured it out at the end of Sophomore year. He kind of always knew Bram was gay. They literally grew up together, of course he knew but he wasn't going to say anything until Bram was ready to come out. But this sudden silence Bram does when he's only around one specific person, it took some time to see but eventually Garrett realized Bram only freezes up around Spier.

The feeling of hiding half of himself and just being lost in general settled the loneliness in so one night he decided to post one of his poems to Creeksecrets, anonymously.

He didn't expect to put that he was Gay in the end, but he did, it wouldn't matter anyway right? No one would care because it's just some anonymous confession. Bram was wrong because the next morning he woke up to an email, a freaking email. His breath hitched as he read every single word carefully, the person that emailed him wrote a whole page, it was grammatical, and it looked like the person thought out every sentence before typing it. And that meant a lot, someone reached out to confess because of his own confession. '-Jacques.' Huh, it's a guy and Bram assumed that was also an Alias. Bram took his time to think and respond, more time than he should of. Two days.

Bram needed time to think of what he wanted to say to another closeted gay male at his school. In his grade. He could know this person. That overwhelmed Bram to the point of being nauseating.

'Dear Jacques,

A secret huh? When did you know?

-Blue'

Sent. A simple email was all he could muster after two days of panicking, to his surprise Jacques responded much quicker, much sooner than two days. So that meant he was waiting for Bram's email then?

A few weeks passed and their emails became life support to Bram, who was this person because the things they have shared with each other just felt so right, every little joke and every deep conversation made Bram's heart shiver in anticipation for the next email. Of course, he had no clue to whom the person would possibly be, no one at school seemed like they were hiding a secret email pen pal.

'Dear Blue,

Do you ever feel locked into yourself? Like you just can't escape your own thoughts and it's almost suffocating. Everyone else around you is completely normal while you're sinking silently. Is it my fault for feeling this way because I'm the one with the secret?

Sorry about the less positive email, I've had a weird day.

-Jacques.'

That email was a little different to what he's gotten used to from Jacques. But he did feel the same way, he often wondered if it was wrong to feel so alone when it was his own fault for hiding this part of him.

'Jacques,

I completely understand how you feel, and that it does almost feel like it's our fault but Jacques, it isn't our fault society made it hard for us to come out. We feel this anxiety and fear to come out because of how the world decided to label us as humans.

Don't worry Jacques, I'm always here if you need to talk, or rant. I feel the same ways, my best friend always talks about how I'm the most honest guy he knows but am I when I can't even tell him, 'No that girls ass isn't hot. But that guy over there is.' Oh, if only I had the guts to do that. I know my friend would be cool with it, he's very open minded and supportive - Prior to what everyone else thinks of him.

-Blue.'

Bram slid a hand over his face with a sigh as he looked at a text that came in from the man himself, Garrett. He wanted to play some video games and hang out since his dad was having one of his fits again. 'Doors unlocked, moms at work. Just bring Reece's is my only demand.'

Garrett; 'Number one, you're home alone with the doors unlocked? EXCUSE ME. Number two, do not give me demands Mister, I will ground you.'

Bram chuckled too himself shaking his head, therefore Garrett was practically his brother. 'Just shut up and get my candy.'

Garrett; 'Someone is in a mood. I'll bring ice cream too.'

That was Garrett's way of showing he cared and he knew something was wrong, but he never pushed for Bram to talk about things he didn't want to talk about, but he did make it known he was there and ready to listen when Bram is ready. It's how they both are, when Garrett is upset; Bram comes over with movies, they'll sit in silence through half of the movie before Garrett gathers his thoughts and spills everything to his best friend. The only problem is that Bram doesn't tell Garrett halfway through the movie, or even at the end and he hasn't told Garrett for the past, however many years it's been. Because he's a coward. And that's why Bram is upset today, he finally found a word that suited him.