Helping you •Janah•

•2•

I can still remember a time before the beatings and the empty beer cans scattered all around our house. Back when my parents still loved each other. And my dad still loved me.

• • •

"Hey Jacky," my mom came up to me while I was watching TV on the couch, "Can you take your sisters upstairs? Your father and I have some things to discuss."

I didn't like how she said father, like it was a dirty word. After I rounded up Isla and Ava and got them occupied upstairs with a movie, I crept back down the stairs. I wanted to understand what my parents needed to "discuss".

I heard muffled voices from the kitchen so I silently sneaked over to it. Hiding behind the wall separating the living room and the kitchen I heard my mother clearly yelling.

"You've been out of a job for months!" She screamed, "But all you do is sleaze around here  all day!" 

"It's not my fault if my b**** of a wife can't bring in enough money on her own!" 

I felt like I'd been slapped. My father had never spoken to my mom like that. I had to hold myself back from charging in there and taking a swing at my own dad.

My mom took a shuddering breath. Was she crying? "Fine. Fine." The yelling had stopped but it was much scarier to hear her whispering. "I can't do this anymore. I'm out."

Out? 

"Out?" My dad's voice shook with anger, "Oh I see. You can't take a couple little beatings so now you're abandoning your family."

My heart stopped at the word beatings. Oh god what had happened to my dad? How could I have not seen my mother hurting?

"A 'couple little beatings'?" My mom let out a bitter laugh, "Every day I would come home from work to your drunk a** and get beat to h***. I love the kids but maybe now you'll learn how to be a good father!" 

The kitchen was silent for second. I held my breath and peeked my head around the corner to try and see what was going on. My father advanced towards my mom and faster than lighting slapped her across the face. 

Rage filled me like I'd never felt before. I forgot about staying hidden and stormed into the room, "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!" I screamed. I pushed past my dad and ran to my mom who was holding her cheek. 

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME BOY?" 

The anger was still there but now it was replaced with fear. I had never seen my dad look so angry. 

"I am your father!" He yelled, "You should show me some RESPECT!"

"Like the respect you show your wife?" 

"Jack don't." My mom pleaded in my ear. But I was too filled with anger and fear and pure adrenaline to care.

"Why you little..."  I had no time to prepare before my dad's fist collided with my face. 

I stumbled back in pain and shock. My dad hit me. My dad hit me! Tears began forming in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. 

"Maybe that'll teach you a lesson you selfish brat." My dad stalked out of the room. A minute later we heard the front door slam.

I let out a long breath. It felt like I hadn't gotten any air since I entered the room. My mom pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that." She whispered softly, "Are you ok baby boy?"

"You're not rea-really going to le-leave us are you?" I asked, fearful of the answer.

My mom cupped my face in her hands. I leaned into her touch. "I'm sorry baby," her voice was barely audible, "I have to go."

• • •

I pulled myself out of my memories. Shivering in the cold alley, I could still feel the warmth of my mother's touch on my face all these years later. 

I suppose I could have resented her for leaving. I did for a while. Everyday I would wonder why she left us with a dead beat dad with no love in his heart. 

But now I understood. Cause I had done the exact same thing.

And though I could forgive my mother, I might never forgive myself.

___________________________________

Wow this book is depressing

Poor Jacky. I love that precious bean.

Author for chapter  @jackxrobertxavery 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo