Beneath The Waterfall

rough

Mama had to work early Sunday morning, and then had a shift at the bowling alley, so I spent that entire day reading, watching romantic comedies on Netflix, and munching on junk food from Cory's Stop & Go.

When she got home, it was around 11:00 p.m. She kissed me on the forehead as she passed by the couch, and then trudged her way to her bedroom to take a shower. She'd fallen asleep before I could come to the room and ask how her day had gone.

I shut all of the lights off, but on my way to bed, I lingered in front of Leon's room. The door was closed, a gold knob belonging to it--one I hadn't touched in months. There was a poster with a peace sign taped to the door.

My chest tightened as I stared at it. When the peace sign became a black and white blur, I turned away and hurried to my room, shutting the door. I took a quick shower, brushed my hair and teeth, and then climbed into bed, but I couldn't sleep to save my damn life.

I missed Leon so much. He'd been on my mind more and more every day. His suicide was starting to get to my head now. It didn't seem right. It was so unlike him to hang himself. Even though Mama said we didn't know exactly what he was going through, it made no sense. It didn't matter what he went through, he wasn't that sort of person. I knew my brother inside and out and knew that he didn't even have the courage to do that to himself, and even if he'd contemplated doing it, a hanging wouldn't have happened. He'd have made it quick and gotten it over with, not suffered.

I turned onto my side and clenched my comforter a little too tightly. Mama was too afraid to get answers, but I wasn't like Mama. Something had happened to my brother in that prison--something twisted and dark and truly fucked up--and I needed to get to the bottom of it.

***

The following morning, I wasn't able bike to school. It was raining and thankfully Mama didn't have a shift until 10 a.m., so she was okay with dropping me off.

"Let me know if you need me to pick you up," she said as she pulled up to the front of the school. "I can tell Eddy that I need to get you and offer to stay a little later to cover it."

"No, Mama. It's fine. I'll find a way home," I said.

She pressed her lips.

"It's fine," I forced a laugh. "I promise."

She ran her eyes all over me. "Alright. You've been kind of quiet this morning. You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Just tired, I guess. Couldn't sleep well last night."

"Oh, yeah. Well maybe you can nap before going to Cory's?"

"I most likely will." That wasn't the truth. My mind was racing too much to even bother making an attempt of a nap.

"Well call me if you need me. I'll come." She smiled.

"I will." I kissed her cheek before opening the door and getting out of the car. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby."

I shut the door and walked to the school building, glancing back once at Mama who waved at me before driving off in her Buick. I turned ahead again, hiking my backpack higher onto my shoulder, glad the rain had settled to a light drizzle.

Along the way, I spotted the Tiffany Blue clan standing beneath a tree with their colorful umbrellas open.

Samantha giggled as Zach, the football team's quarterback, murmured something in her ear. Ariel and Nikki were facing my way, and when I happened to catch Nikki's eye, she scowled and narrowed hers, then murmured something to Ariel, who looked my way too. They laughed about something, but I snatched my eyes away, reaching the door and pulling it open. I couldn't stand those girls.