curious cat | randy

106

Andy: i have good news
Andy: i think
Andy: i mean, it is good news
Andy: but also it is: a lot of new information at once and my heart and lungs have now decided to give up on me!
Andy: otherwise known as a panic attack
Andy: oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
Andy: so i: learned today that i'm going to be a part of this show
Andy: and i'll get to perform my new music
Andy: which is like: great
Andy: because this is what i do and i lovE what i do
Andy: i really really do
Andy: i don't know what i'd do with myself if i couldn't make music anymore
Andy: but also: it's been a long time since i last performed live
Andy: or posted anything other than covers
Andy: and it's always , scary , you know? my first time showing the world something
Andy: and i thought i was okay with it but the panic hit me halfway out the door and now i'm crouching on the sidewalk and: anyone can see me and this is so humiliating and i can't breathe and i can't move and i can't
Andy: i hate these so so much
Rye: Oh my god
Rye: I'm so sorry I wasn't here right away
Rye: How are you doing? Are you okay? Have you calmed down at all?
Andy: in all honesty? my hands are shaking and it's hard to swallow and i'm trying not to cry and i: really really hate this, i really really want <<this>> to be over
Andy: but it's never over
Andy: there's always a next time
Andy: there's always another day when i can't make it out of bed
Andy: i just don't know when
Rye: Try not to get ahead of yourself, to let your thoughts consume you
Rye: Try not to start worrying about the future, too
Rye: Just think about what you can do for yourself right now, in the moment
Andy: i'll try
Rye: Remind yourself that it isn't going to last forever
Rye: That, no matter what, you are going to survive, and you are going to be okay
Rye: Maybe put in your earbuds or something? Listen to something relaxing?
Andy: have done
Rye: I wish I could do more to help you
Rye: I wish that I could be there with you
Rye: I wish that I could hold you
Rye: And let you know that you're such a beautiful thing
Rye: And that I'm sorry that the world is so ugly to you
Andy: you are everything and more
Rye: I'm not
Rye: Not when all I can offer you is some random words that don't mean much of anything
Andy: talking to you has really, really helped
Andy: thank you
Andy: so much
—
after a (very long) wait (which i apologize for, motivation is such a finicky thing 😪👋🏼), i have finally uploaded friends part three in randy au's today if you wanna read that! 💘💗