Sex Education

7.

Kissing Jack was like nothing Ennis had ever experienced before. When he was younger, he had kissed his mama goodnight, but that was nothing compared to what was happening here. Feeling Jack's lips moving against his own...it was hard to describe, but it somehow felt freeing. There was a small feeling of recklessness behind it all. The excitement behind the rebellious act kept Ennis from pulling away at first. But then his mind got the better of him and he was suddenly afraid that someone was going to walk in and catch them in this sinful act.

Ennis broke the kiss, now uncomfortable with how close Jack was leaning in. He could feel Jack's body heat radiating off of him and Ennis's heart suddenly started pounding. "I think it'd be best if I went home," he mumbled, but the look on Jack's face said he understood.

"We got quite a bit o' work done," Jack said, not sounding upset about Ennis wanting to go home early. It wasn't even noon yet. "You sure ya don't wanna stick around and just talk? I can teach ya a lot of things that won't be in any lesson during school." Those words spoke to Ennis in a way he wanted to ignore right now. The lessons ingrained in him by his parents made him sickened by the thought of what had just happened.

Two men weren't supposed to kiss. It wasn't natural.

Ennis lurched to his feet, hearing Jack call his name, but he ignored it as he stumbled out of the classroom. He hurried down the hall to the restroom, banging open a stall before he dropped to his knees and threw up into the toilet. He spent the next few minutes there, emptying his stomach.

Once he was finished and washed up, he stood there at the sink, knowing a sickness hadn't caused him to throw up. It was fear and anxiety. Not from what he had done, but the thought that someone would find out about it. He splashed cold water on his face, hearing the door squeal open, but he didn't turn to see who it was. He knew who it would be. He grabbed a couple paper towels and dried his face.

"I'm not gonna make you do anything ya don't wanna do," Jack said. Ennis threw away the paper towels, but didn't yet turn to face Jack. "But I'm not gonna lie and tell you I don't wanna spend more time with you." His openness about it was just as dangerous as the act itself.

"I ain't a queer," Ennis murmured. But, what else was he? He had thought long and hard about this once before and he had put down in that first paper that he wasn't attracted to any girls or boys at the school. So what did that make him? A freak? "My dad... he'd kill me if I was."

"It ain't right," Jack said, sounding like he was about to go off on another rant about how people treated people who were different than everybody else. "You're afraid of your dad that much?"

"I'm already a disappointment to 'im," Ennis said, not wanting to talk about what happened with his brother. He finally turned and looked at Jack. "If anybody found out what happened just now -"

"No one's gonna," Jack said in a reassuring manner. He sounded like he believed his own words. "It's just the two of us and will only be the two of us." Did he expect Ennis to agree to let this continue?

And why not? Though Ennis was still afraid, he couldn't help but remember that freeing feeling he had while kissing Jack. It was like he could finally be who he really was without anyone judging him for it. Even though he wasn't sure if he was a queer, a homosexual, or not, he found himself wanting to pursue that feeling. Jack wouldn't judge him. And, as he had just said, Jack wasn't going to make Ennis do anything he didn't want to.

"Ennis?"

"Can I help ya out on Saturdays more often?" Ennis asked, not knowing how else to say what he wanted to. "Maybe not as early since I still got chores to do at home, but maybe during the afternoons?"