Sex Education

13.

It was the day of the Brokeback Mountain trip. And ever since Ennis had learned that a certain teacher would be coming along on the trip as well, he had almost backed out of it completely. He still felt nervous whenever he was near Jack. It was almost like something was there, pulling the two together. If he was up in the mountains, away from the town, with Jack in his sights, Ennis was afraid he wouldn't be able to help himself. Jack would say that that was fine. He would probably even encourage Ennis to act on those feelings. But ever since he started dating Alma, doing anything with Jack hadn't seemed right. Even when they did find time alone, Ennis had kept his distance. Jack hadn't said anything, so he hadn't taken anything the wrong way. Or maybe Jack just thought Ennis was going to wait until they were alone somewhere on Brokeback to do anything else.

Ennis grabbed his bag from his bed then headed downstairs. He walked into the kitchen where his mom was making breakfast. He set his bag down, looking up at the clock to check the time. He had plenty of time to get to town before the bus arrived to take the students to Brokeback. He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table where there was already a plate of breakfast ready.

"Where's dad?" Ennis asked, grabbing his fork and starting to eat. He probably didn't have to ask. At this time, his dad would be out tending the farm and whatnot. He just asked to fill the silence so his thoughts didn't wander out of control.

She fixed up another plate then walked over to the table to sit down with Ennis. She would start fixing his dad's breakfast in a few minutes. They had been married long enough for her to know exactly how long it would take her to make breakfast in time for her husband to eat when he walked in. "He took Starbright out for a ride," she said. "He probably won't be back until after you leave. Do you need a ride to the school? Your daddy said it'd be fine to leave the truck up there til you get back."

"Leavin' the truck up there's fine," Ennis said with a slight nod of his head. "I won't be back until late Saturday night, so y'all won't have to worry about comin' up there to pick me up."

His mom nodded and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Enough time for Ennis's mind to start wandering to places it didn't need to wander to.

"Hey, mama?" Ennis spoke up. She looked up from her breakfast to look at him. He was nervous about saying anything, but then the question came out before he could stop it. "How would you feel if I didn't wanna be with a woman?" As soon as he saw her reaction, he regretted ever saying anything.

She sat completely still, a look of terror crossing her face for a split second then she shook her head sharply. "You can't be thinkin' things like that, Ennis," she said. "You know folks like that go straight to hell. Pastor says so. Men like that...queers..." She said the word as if it were a curse word. "Men like that ain't men." She shook her head once more. "It'd be best if ya purged your innocent mind of that, Ennis."

"It was just somethin' Mr. Twist had us ask," Ennis said, coming up with an excuse. "I ain't like that. I'm with Alma, after all." He didn't know how much of a save that was, but she looked like she had relaxed some.

"I knew that class would be up to no good," she said, sounding relieved. Ennis couldn't believe she felt that way about things. "If it wasn't for your father, I'd be takin' you outta that class. Probably outta school all together. You'd learn much more from me here at home."

"I like school," Ennis said. That was only partly true. He liked school because it gave him time away from here at home. Which was feeling less and less like home now. He was supposed to feel safe at home. Now he just felt targeted. After this, she would surely be keeping a closer eye on whatever he brought home from school. He wished he could go back and take the question back.