My book of thoughts and feeling

Loss

Losing people is definitely my biggest fear, and when that happens its honestly the worst feeling in the world. 

I lose people a lot through all my screw ups. I've lost a lot of people recently. I can't help it though. I push people away so much but then other times I can't stand being away from them so I cling on to them so they can't leave but that ends up pushing them away. 

I lost my three best friends recently. I left two of them, but one of them left me. 

He honestly made me so happy and I felt alive around him. I felt comfortable around him. I trusted him, which takes a lot for me because I have terrible trust issues when it comes to my feelings. I loved him, and now my best friend is gone and that's what makes me numb the most. I never thought I would lose him so soon. I'm sorry I betrayed his wishes. I wish I could go back and change everything I did. I lost him over a stupid joke. He was just my best friend and its hard to let go of that so quickly. 

I do bad with losing people. I feel like sometimes I am being over-dramatic, but I can't stand when a person I love disappears out of my life.