A thousand nights

XXX

Two pm on a Friday is that time of the school-day where your thoughts, after trailing on off for the whole day finally started to settle on a specific thing, rest. However on that day, all I could thick of was Hamlin. After three weeks of being ignored by her, it occurred to me that probably the situation wasn't going to resolve itself any time soon, or ever for that matter.

I gazed quickly at her sitting next to Jake in Physics, reminiscent of the physics lesson that started it all months ago.

I didn't know what to do.

Shai's stern voice still ringed in my head as I fidgeted with my pencil, trying to come to a decision.

'You are ignoring her too, if you care about this friendship just end it properly at least' Shai had said over the phone two evenings prior 'go talk to her and settle it Park'

The problem was, I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

I told her not to go to a stupid party, and she had a crush on me, how was that my fault? I wondered frustrated.

How was I meant to apologize if I didn't even know what I had done?

It didn't matter though, Shai was right. I needed to settle the situation, and be freed from the burden of guilt that had been pressed upon my chest for the past month.

Coincidentally, on that miserable Friday afternoon after school, the chance to redeem myself presented itself.

I had gone downtown to finally buy the new issues of Deadpool from Hatchards' when I saw her, walking by herself window shopping.

Almost involuntary I found myself walking back inside the bookshop, I found myself holding my breath, not sure of what to do. My heart raced with a myriad of thoughts as I tried to calm my nerves down.

I needed to talk to her, but I seemed unable to.

Nevertheless, after the exchanged ugly glances from the bookshop's customers, I decided to walk to her.

Hey, yo, hope you're good. I'm good, so you and Matt yeah? Cool... I attempted to create a hypothetical conversation as I approached her.

'That- that- dress would look nice on- ' I trailed off instead. Her intense stare froze me in place.

'Hey '

'Hi' I scratched my head.

The tension was palpable.

'I should be leaving...' she said taking a few steps away from me.

'Wait, I just wanted to talk' I paused 'please'

She smiled bitterly ' Park I...'

'I would apologize but I don't know what for and...'

She looked taken aback then. She cleared her throat and swallowed  ' I've gotta go'

'Wait, why are we not talking anymore? What is this silent treatment for?'  I asked confidently.

'I don't know, you tell me' she went on the defensive.

'How am I meant to know? You're the one who goes all dramatic and hysterical overnight and then decides to date the biggest dickhead in school!' I started to raise my voice. She stayed quiet. I took that as my cue to carry on with my accusations.

'Has he filled you on the details I had forgotten to mention about myself? Has he managed to make you realize how pathetic and miserable I am and how spending time with me is like social life suicide? He must have done so, I can see the disgust in your eyes, I'm so pitiful, aren't I? A freak of nature with no mum or dad for that matter, I'm just this idiot who thinks-'