Withdrawal

Chapter 4

Tomorrow is Sunday, huh? I stared at the ceiling while holding my mug filled with hot chocolate. I turned on the television and changed the channel to The National geography. It might sound odd and unusual to some people but to me watching documentaries was a norm for me. Animals and nature have always been my favourite ever since I was young. I still remembered that I was brought to a zoo for my birthday. It was one of the best and significant birthday celebrations ever as I was able to get closer and be up close to the different animal species. Just reminiscing about that made me feel so happy and it brought a smile to my face. However, it made me feel sad immediately afterward. I got up from my sofa in my living room and went to my bedroom. As soon as I entered my room, I saw a stack of my yellow post-it notes and a black marker on my study table. It was as if it knew that I was going to take it and wrote my feelings on t which was I would exactly do. I sat down on my chair and started writing on it.

Every memory has its blooming and withering time as well just like a flower.

It sounded right in my tongue because that was exactly how I could describe my life. It seemed common to the others but not to me. How can you be sad from reminiscing about your good memories? The answer to that was that those people with whom I shared my good memories with actually broke my heart in many ways possible. That was the reason why the good memories I have were blooming but a few seconds later, it withered immediately. It was confusing yet depressing. I despised the feeling.

Jane and Jess actually kept telling me to just move on and give up on him, the one whom I like but he confessed to his crush instead and ended up leaving me on the sidewalk, whose name was Sky. That was the one they referred to. Well, all I could say that it was easier said than done. Moving on and forgetting him was nearly impossible for me to do so. I had my own reasons to support that. Shall we take a look at the list of reasons why it was hardly possible for me to forget all about him?

He was a very gentle person.He always cheered me up when I was down in the mouth.He asked me how was my day or if there were something interesting happened to me the previous week every single time I entered the café where he worked, unlike someone (like Jess).His smile was always genuine, never forcing himself to do so and it sure made my day brighter every single time.He paid his fullest attention to me whenever I rambled about some random topics which he probably had no slightest clue about what they actually meant.The most important thing out of all was the fact that he made me feel that I was not a burden to him and he made me feel like I was just a normal human being, not a freak or extraterrestrial being which people always referred me as.

That was all I could list down. He really lived up to his name. His positive attitude and bright smile just like the sky in the morning. And, he was always there for me when I was desperately in need of a companion just like the sky, despite its constant changing of colours, it would stay with you at all times instead of running away. He made me feel special and deserved to be treated fairly just like the others.

"Sigh... I will not go anywhere at this rate. I'll just run around in circle aimlessly. I need to move on with my life because there are more important things for me to think about." I said while looking up at my bedroom ceiling, staring into empty space.

But unfortunately, it seems nearly impossible for me to do that. In order to set my mind straight again, I took out the book titled "Discover", the book that handsome stranger has recommended it to me. He did not want to tell me what this book was all about. I looked at the back of the book to take a look at the summary of this book however instead of a summary, it was just a sentence. It stated that 'Life can be fulfilled with two things, love and acceptance of oneself.' When I saw this, I just couldn't think of anything else but anger and disappointment. But it didn't matter what the book said, it was just a story, everything that was written here was not a reality. Because of that, I just decide to start reading the book in spite of being annoyed by the book truly believed about life. Perhaps, it was not the book that I was angry at rather I was mad at myself. I was upset because it was true; each and every word in that sentence was something that I would never disagree with because that was what I truly lacked. Love and acceptance were not something that I had. That was the reason why I was irritated when I read those words because I would never have a fulfilling life.