HOPE

5. Back to the past.

Soft touch wakes me up.
My eyes flutter, dazzled by the early morning light. Dazzled by her.
My angel is staring at me, that loving sweet gaze caressing my face.
I feel blessed like any other man before me. Loved and cherished by that woman lying next to me, new but already worshipped by my baby girls.
Missed.

I forbid myself any sad thought for today. For the rest of my life.
As I stir up, a godamn satisfied shit eaty grin gracing my face, I feel little kitties mewling and crawling further up my chest.

Oh that feeling.
Their warmth on me, their little hands balled in fists as they're sleeping like rocks, Belle's breath in the crock of my neck, Anna sprawled across the bed, her head on her mother's belly, her little footsies on mine.

Those cutie mice haven't left my sides since I held them for the first time yesterday. I honestly don't think I would be able to take my hands off of them. We have so much to make up.

It seemed an hour had passed, before Angie and I were finally able to come back on Earth. We've been lost in each other in a primal, visceral need to reconnect, no words were spoken between us, only a few to the girls. Just endless stares, gentle touches, low whispers, deep smells, some tears and smiles of happiness.

I fed myself with all I could take from my daughters, studying them, the way they moved, their feather-weight on my lap, how they already considered me as their father, who they were.

It's funny how they look so similar but already have such opposite personalities. Belle is as soft and caring as her mother, Anna, fearless and brave, a real go getter, always leading the way for her sister.

My heart full of love and my hands filled with all my girls, I walked towards the house that bore me.
On the threshold, a big strong guy leant against the wall, Jessica lovingly curled on his side, Abigail wrapped around his leg.
The cowboy wasn't my brother for sure, he was black as coal and wore a giant smile as we approached.

I tried to pass Anna to her mother but she strictly refused and I didn't want to let go off Belle, so I put both babies on my left arm and hugged Jess with my now free hand.

"Welcome home Hugh!" She smiled in my ear.

"Look at you... beautiful mama!"
She's glowing with joy, wearing a shiny smile on her lips, a ring on her fourth finger and a baby bump on her hips.
No trace of Gessep left, she was no longer this frightened lamb, covered with bruises and make up; this woman was all brand new.

"Good to have you back Hugh, it's been a while!" The big guy took my hand and shook it, that huge smile looked familiar.

"I'm Cole. From the Banners farm, remind me?"

Before my puzzled face, he barked a laugh and explained:
"I was a farm boy at the Banner ranch next door. We used to sow the wild oats as kids."

"Damn yeah Black Cole! Cole Jamieson, sorry, it's a big day..." The truth was my brain was barely operating, smashed by too much emotions.

"No worries, come on inside man, I think we all have stories to share."

I was too overwhelmed to talk, so was Angie. Parts of our stories weren't mean to be heard by the little girls, so Cole started:

"I heard your ma died and went to see you, but the ol' Cup grumbled you were AWOL, threw his bottle of whiskey at my head, giving the damn nigger I was 3 seconds to get outta here. He just yelled at me you have left and he hasn't heard from you since."

"Yeah" Angie squeezed my hand and laughed " that's what my man does, leaves and never returns..."

Hasn't she smiled widely and I could have been hurt, but I decided her joke was fine, and winked at her playfully.