HOPE

6. Back to Life.

" Morning Cup" Angie smiles.

"Morning love" I smile back, rolling to my side so I face her, eliciting more mewls from the sleeping babies.

I brush lightly both of their curls, resettling Belle's head and Anna's feet against my chest, then cup their mother's cheek.

"You good?" She whispers, nuzzling into my touch.

"Yeah. Never get tired of that kind of wake up."

" Wanna cuddle with me?" I ask after a beautiful, everlasting stare, where we silently told ourselves all that words couldn't express.
As much as I love having my babies with me, it's fair to say I really need... you know, her.

I lean forward to kiss her forehead before carefully gathering the twins, my flesh and bones and take them to the tiny bed they've been sharing since their births.
Turning and snuggling, my cuties settle themselves half over each other, Anna covering her sister with her arm, Belle nuzzling in her neck.

Jesus this sigh only nearly has me in tears, I protectively cover them with the sheet and place their blue blankies under their arms.

Angie sewed them from my blue shirt, the one she made for me in our former life, the one I was wearing the night before I left for the rescue mission.
The one who still smelled like me when the girls were born, Angie confessed me yesterday, despite all the tears she left on it, crying over and over again when she figured out I wouldn't come back.

A last kiss on their sleepy heads and I crawl back to bed with my love, the fucking love of my life, who I've been missing so deep, for so long.

We intertwin our limbs together and creep as close as we could, my hand sneaking under the shirt she's wearing, her hand on my bare chest.

Our bodies quickly find their place, like they used to, and we both sigh in contentment, unexpectedly followed by our babies hums.
Like parents like twins, we just laugh at the sync.

" Nice shirt, fits you." I slowly stroke up and down her spine, making her shiver.

"Thank you. Notice, no coffee stain. I took good care of your shirts since they were the last things I got from you." She jokes.

I could have laugh at the coffee thing, but those last words cut me off. A huge wave of sadness crashes me down and I just succumb to desperation.
My smirk vanishes as pain takes over me and I can't hold back the river of tears that uncontrollably burn my cheeks.

Burying my head and my shame in her neck, I let go all the unsustainable guilt that still floods in my veins.

"I'm sorry... Oh Angie I'm so sorry..." I manage to mutter between sobs, as warm tears wet her neck.

Shuddering, my voice unsteady and trembling, I keep the words flowing out.

" Angie, I swear I did everything I could to find you back. I've never stopped searching for you... but... I... I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so ashamed you got to go through this. It's my fault..."

I'm actually crying like a baby, shushed and lulled by my sweet love
which has me cry harder.

"Shhh... It's OK. It's fine honey."

"Please forgive me Angie. It kills me it took me so long..."

" You're back to me. To us. Nothing else matters."

She pulls me on top of her and kisses my temples, then pushes me back so she can stare at me, forgiving all my weaknesses and failures.

"Thank you. For fighting for us."