Be Rude but Love Me | ✔

CHAPTER 27

The next day, because James has something to do out of town, Ellie finds herself at home with us. I don't have it in me take part in their games, really. My mind is solely focused on Yann. The words I said to him last night never occurred to me until they actually left my lips. The only person you're truly hiding from is yourself. I see it now, in the way he schools his emotions so perfectly, the way he appears so impassible all the time. I had bought into his act in the very beginning but as I learned to observe, I just realized he was hiding parts of himself, suppressing them and keeping them beneath the surface.

And just like that, I found out the truth about Yann last night. Yes, I already knew he was hiding behind the façade, but I didn't know the why. And now I know. He's afraid of who he really is, afraid to let his emotions show, afraid of himself. Again, I am reminded that it's nothing like Ollie who was afraid to get attached. It's not the same thing at all.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by an excited Lucy. "I'm going back-to-school shopping with Ellie," she says with a toothy grin. "You're coming?"

I ruffle her hair lovingly and she swats it away. "No, I think I'll stay."

She only shrugs at me and walks out of the room. Ellie soon comes in and sits by my side. Without any warning, she says, "What's going on between you and Yann?" When I only raise an eyebrow at her, feigning not to understand, she rolls her eyes. "Don't think I haven't noticed the way you two acted around each other the few times I was here."

"Yeah, I was about to ask how you knew anyways since you're always out with James," I joke but my not-so-subtle attempt to switch topics doesn't work. I sigh. "I'm not sure what's going on, Ellie. All I know is that we're talking right now. Or at least, we were talking," I correct as I think of the past three days.

Ellie looks at me for a moment before she turns and looks ahead of her, a frown on her face. "He's different," she says. When I ask her different how, she only shakes her head to herself, "I'm not sure. There's something in him I haven't seen before. Almost like a genuine interest in life for the first time."

My frown turns deeper at that. "You make it sound like he's been existing instead of living, Ellie."

She smiles in that sad way she sometimes does. "Your words couldn't be any truer." Her voice holds regret and sadness. "You're doing something to him," she says, "and whatever that is, don't stop."

She sends me a grateful smile and walks away.

***

After Ellie's and Lucy's departure, I climb in bed and try to get some rest. I haven't slept much last night and there's a headache that's not going away. I hope to get a few hours of sleep and relax my muscles a little. I snuggle under the covers and let my eyes close. It's 3:36pm.

My dreamless sleep is soon disturbed by the ringing of the doorbell. Groaning in annoyance, I take the pillow and hide my head underneath, hoping to muffle the shrill ringing but I still hear it very clearly. Upset, I throw the covers off me and trudge down the stairs. The ringing doesn't stop and only becomes more impatient.

When I fling the door open, I find the last person I expected to see there. "Will?"

He looks at me for a moment, then he looks past me, then back at me. "Hey, Tracy. How are you?"

I let him in and close the door. "I'm doing okay but you obviously aren't," I say as I finally take in the worried line on his face and the line in which his lips are firmly set. "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head at me. "I just need to talk to Ellie. I've been calling her phone nonstop. Is she here?"

I walk behind him into the living room. "No, she's out with Lucy." But it seems he's not even listening to me and when I reach for his shoulders, he jumps at my touch. When he sees it's only me, he relaxes. "Will," I say softly, "what is it?"