Be Rude but Love Me | ✔

CHAPTER 7

WARNING! There is some offensive language in this chapter.

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I am speechless. If that isn't being on his bad side, I do not want to know what it truly is. He faces away from me again and goes back to watching the lake. His gaze remains fixated on Ellie and Will and he's looking at them with something close to envy on his face. The side of his jaw bulges out a little and I assume there is a vein there that must be popping right now.

"Quit staring." He snaps all of the sudden and I jump in surprise.

Feeling like my good mood is starting to wither, I get up on my feet and leave the shore. I walk into the woods, and let my palms rest again the barks, imagining there is a heartbeat underneath the way I used to do as I child. To me, all living things had a human heart – which is silly since not all living things are human. I would imagine having X-ray vision and figuring out where exactly the heart was located. I would place my hand right there and whisper thump thump, thump thump. I used to feel on top of the world here, above everything and yet in sync with everything.

I was a little girl with a frightening imagination, turning words into magic and turning magic into words. My imagination was so vivid and so wild that my parents thought I would either become an inventor or a writer. Yet, I chose none of those paths.

I realized that things were only as magic as we made them to be. It was up to us to see the magic and dream of things that could not be. I didn't want to get caught up in that world because I was afraid I would later never be able to distinguish reality from my dreams. What happened? I grew up. Now, it's harder for me to see good and magic in everything, in everyone. Which is why it must be hard for me to accept Yann. I'm not sure my five-year-old self would mind his gruffness, but my nineteen-year-old self does. We grow up, we become less naïve, less accepting.

"I wonder if that little girl is still there," I say to myself.

"What little girl?"

I turn around at the voice, caught off guard. I look at Will whose torso is dripping wet, his jeans a little damp with patches darkening the blue color in a few spots. He's looking at me curiously, as if he finds it weird that I am talking to myself.

"The younger version of myself," I reply at last as I walk towards him.

He approaches and comes to stand before me, a worried look in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

I smile at his concern. I've always loved this softer side of Will. Behind the player-wannabe attitude hides a boy with a golden heart. "I'm alright if you're alright."

It takes him two seconds to understand that I am referring to his earlier episode in the car. He sighs and rubs his hands on his face. "I don't wanna talk about it."

I shrug at him, "Then I don't want to talk either."

He sighs again and places his hands on my shoulders, gently forbidding me to leave. "I can't tell you about it," he corrects. "I would love to but I can't."

The way he says that he can't talk about it reminds me of the way Ellie said she couldn't talk to me about Yann and I ask the question, praying that he won't answer yes. "It's about Yann?"

He makes a grimace as he looks away. That's enough of an answer to me and I don't press it. "OK. Let's go back," I stay and start moving but he keeps me in place again.

"I saw you talking to Yann earlier. I know this is about him."

I give out a bitter laugh, "What isn't about him?"

I shrug his hands off my shoulders and walk back to the shore. I find Ellie dressed and Yann by her side as they're talking to each other.

"Ready to go?" I call out to them but only look at Ellie.