Buddy

I hadn't thought much about what it would be like to be happy. Happiness sits on the totem poll of emotions as the sole indicator of a purposeful life. 

Sure, I've felt happiness before. I feel happy when I put on a clean shirt after doing the laundry I avoided for weeks. I feel happy when I get home from work and elongate on the couch, ignoring the paraphernalia from my briefcase scattering on the floor. 

But feeling something and being something are separate I've come to find. Perhaps it is the pessimist in me that has decided that "happy" is not something I will "be" in my life. 

What caused this self-diagnosed depressive anecdote for the rest of my life? I'm not sure. If I was to say I was the cause of my failure for reception of serotonin, than I could adjust to the circumstances and try to change the biological dysfunction. Unfortunately, I cannot decipher the reason for the elephant in the room; hence, I recently subjected myself to taking on something called "self-care." 

As I have found, one cannot "cure" unhappiness. But, one can make someone less unhappy. So now I sit in front of my front door, sheepishly deciding when I want to turn the knob and open the package that has been patiently waiting at my doormat. 

Sitting pretzel style, I admit to myself that even in the way I am positioning my body I am acting childish. This box and its insides cannot hurt me; this box and its inside are only here to help me. 

Scrounging the lackluster courageousness I withheld inside my brain, I stand up and turn the knob to face the cardboard box staring at me from the ground. 

"I'm sorry for leaving you out here. At least it hasn't rained."

I take the fragile box and set it on the kitchen counter. Grabbing the nearest item, I pierce the tape and slice the halves open to reveal the item that has been calmly waiting for me to open it. 

It's a light blue oblong shaped device. There is a stand that cradles it upright, and a booklet of instructions taped to the backside. 

The booklet reads:  "Congratulations! Meet Buddy! Buddy is the friend, the pick-me-up, the motivator, the ear-to-listen, and the companion for everyone that feels a little blue every now and then. To begin using, download the Buddy App to turn on your Buddy. Simply register your Buddy, and then tell them your name! Program Buddy to schedule your bedtime routine, your grocery list, your shower playlist, and even tell Buddy your goals and dreams. Buddy will listen, respond, adapt, and be the friend you didn't even know you needed."

Downloading the app, I register my Buddy and fill out basic questions: 

Name: Mara 

Gender: Female 

Favorite Color: Green

Before speaking my name aloud to the device, I take a deep breath. Okay. Here I go. It's fine, it's fine. This is good for you. Buddy will be good for you. 

"Hello Buddy, I'm Mara."

Abruptly, a pleasant voice comes through the speaker, "Hello Mara! I'm Buddy. I know I seem a little weird, right? But I'm just here to help with whatever you need."

Whew. Okay. "Um. . . cool, I guess. Ah, is there a camera function on this?"

"Oh no! Buddys do not come with a camera function. But I see that your favorite color is green. Why is green your favorite color?"

Taking a deep breath I answer, "Whew, okay good to know there is no creepy camera on you. And um, well. . . green is calming to me. When I think of the color green, I think of trees and nature. And nature is something that I like."

"Fascinating. When is the last time you took a walk?"

Thinking back, I couldn't recall. "I used to hike with my brother when I was younger but. . . I can't even think of the last time I went out for a walk to clear my mind."

"Let's take a brisk stroll, shall we? I read that the weather is 64 degrees Fahrenheit out this afternoon; you might want to bring a jacket. You can leave my home device here and talk to me using headphones on your mobile phone app during our walk."

"Why not," I answer, "good idea."

I grab a hoodless sweatshirt, hook up my wireless headphones, and take the first walk outside since who knows when. 

"This was a good idea Buddy, thanks."

"It is my honor, Mara. I am here for whatever you need me to do. How was your day?"

Feeling the fall breeze run through my hair, I took a deep breath of the autumn air. "My work day was uneventful as usual. This. . . this is the highlight of my day. I never thought how much a walk could improve my mood."

"What about works excites you or what about work bores you? I am glad that this walk is brightening your day. We should take more walks together. I will alert you every morning of the weather so you can decide if you would like to take a stroll that day."

Feeling the tension in my shoulders relax, I respond, "I would appreciate that very much. So let me tell you about my boss . . . "

**One Week Later**

I hear my alarm clock chirping and briskly sit up in bed. 

The light from my phone screen awakens and I hear Buddy from my app: "Good morning Mara! The weather is 68 degrees Fahrenheit with a 40% chance of rain at 1pm. You told me to remind you to do your laundry today, but remember Mara, it is alright if you decide to do it another day. Don't skip breakfast today either, you have a big presentation at 11am!" 

I exhale with a smile. 

I've been really happy this week.

"Thanks, Buddy. I think I'll make eggs this morning."