Empire of Deception (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter 45

 Night has fallen by the time we get to my flat and I throw my jacket onto the floor and start loosening the tie that chokes me like a noose. I sigh and look at Victoria who lingers by the doorway. "Are you going to go?" I am unable to gather enough strength to muster anything other than a whisper.

"Only if you want me to," she replies.

I don't say anything but she doesn't leave. Instead, she sheds her own jacket and drapes it across the sofa and disappears into my bedroom. Moments later I hear the shower turn on. I sigh walk over to the kitchen to pour myself a drink. I swallow it in one gulp before pouring myself another one. I finish that one and pour a third. I stare out the massive window before me and look at all the lights of the city, glittering and twinkling and drowning out the few stars that manage to break through the clouds that blanket London's night sky. I finish my third drink.

After I hear the shower turn off I wait a few moments before walking into my room. Her hair is wet and she is wearing my fluffy robe Zayn teases me about owning. He won't admit that he has the same one and that I found it while snooping his closet looking for my belt he "borrowed." She is looking down at her phone intently, as if reading something very important. "Is everything okay?" I ask her and she quickly shuts it off before looking up.

"Yeah," she says, "Everything is fine."

I kick off my shoes and climb into my bed, knowing I should probably shower but I am honestly too exhausted to even think about getting up. My eyes close and I let out a deep exhale as if that could get rid of all the toxins—mental and physical—that plague me. The bed beside me dip and when I crack open an eye I see a flash of smooth thigh as Victoria climbs onto the bed as well. She quickly readjusts the robe.

She smells faintly of my peppermint body wash and I wish so badly to wrap her around myself and just let that aroma engulf me until I fall asleep. I feel her shuffling and I open my eyes fully, watching how she scoots and lays her head down on the pillow, looking at me. I turn too and suddenly we're face to face, just looking at each other. Her almond eyes seem even smaller without makeup on and her wet hair is somehow an even deeper shade of ebony. Her skin is pale and flawless and honestly I think she would make a great Japanese Snow White. I probably shouldn't tell her that, though. I don't know if that would be considered slightly offensive to her.

I watch as her hand reaches out and gently pushes a curl away from my forehead. It falls again and she lets out a breathy laugh before tucking it behind my ear. "You need a haircut, Styles," she says softly. We're close. So close. So so so close and I don't think she's ever let me be this close to her before. At least before she pushed me away. I study the way her face is composed of both soft and strong angles. Her long body and her soft skin and the way it would feel against mind and if she would push my hand away if I tried to pull her closer. If I tried to untie her robe because all I want is to feel her against me. To hold her and to give her kisses. I sigh and she frowns.

"I think I found a loophole," she finally shares after a few moments of silence. We're close enough that she doesn't have to talk very loudly, but she isn't whispering. I've never heard her speak to me this way, before.

"Loophole?"

"In my contract. I think I found a way to get out of it and just... Go back to the States and recover at my moms place. Or... Go to Japan. Go play in the snow there, or hide in the city, or just get away from everyone until I figure out what I am going to do because I know Alexander would disown me if I left him."

My heart starts beating furiously. "You are thinking about leaving?" My voice sounds weaker than I anticipated or want it to. It was a wounded whimper. Pathetic.

"Yes," she confesses, "I am. Coming here was a mistake. Nothing good has happened since I arrived and this mess keeps getting harder to clean up and I don't want to be here anymore." Her words hurt more than I want to admit. "And Jackson... I just rather not have to see him everyday."

"What ever happened to you two? I thought you were going to get married and have all these cute multiracial babies." That was a lie. Sort of. I always thought they would get married but I wanted her and I to have the babies.

She sighs. There is a lot of sighing going on. "He was becoming too much like Alexander. Getting too involved, putting my family above me, and just... I don't love him anymore. I knew if we married it wasn't because he loved me but because he loved everything that came with me. We actually did love each other in the beginning... Or I like to think we did. We've had good nights... Bad nights. Lots of them. I think he didn't like how much I challenged him. It stressed him out because it was always hard for him to win. But... Out of respect I would submit and just let him have his way... But I rather let someone win because they are right or because they deserve it... Not out of obligation. I don't know. Ignore my rambling." She laughs as a tear rolls down her cheek and it splatters on the bed spread beneath her. Another one quickly follows. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I am crying," she says, trying to laugh but it only makes her cry harder.

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything at all. She keeps trying to wipe away her tears but more just take their place. My hand wanders to her cheek and I leave it there, cupping it softly. She looks at me with watery, red eyes and she bites her lip, trying to stifle her crying. She puts her hand on top of mine and grabs it, moving it to the center of her chest where she clutches it desperately, holding it—practically pressing it—to her skin. Suddenly both of her hands are on top of mine, holding it so tightly like I was her source of oxygen—her source of life.

You would think that I hate seeing Victoria hurt and in tears but I've realized now that it's the only time that she lets me get close to her. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. And all I ever want is to be close to her.

"Victoria," I whisper, and once again I am looking into her broken brown eyes. "Don't go. Please stay. Please." I'm pleading and shaking my head and I hope she can hear in my voice just how desperately I need her. That her leaving is not an option for me. There is no way I could possibly function without her in my life.

We're looking at each other and I notice that we're inching closer together and I catch myself before I start leaning in. She's still biting her lip as if that could stop the flow of tears and I know that what she needs right now is not a lover, but just someone to simply be there. Just acknowledge her and be there with her as she actually explores her humanity. I don't know how this happened. How a Jarwin managed to break me to the point that I am willing to just... Give her everything that I am. Every single jagged, broken, sharp piece of me.

"Please," I am pleading again, whispering that word to her over and over again and suddenly we're so close that our foreheads are touching, and we just rest against each other.

 Victoria doesn't say anything but she squeezes my hand even tighter while moving it closer to her heart.