Empire of Deception (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter 43

The football field was packed with people as they struggled to find seats on the many bleachers. I wore a bomber jacket I hadn't touched in years and black jeans from when I was a teenager. Despite the clothes, I felt naked and weird without a suit on... Or at least something with buttons. Not to mention my hand kept reaching to adjust a tie that wasn't there.

"Stop fidgeting!" April scolds, slapping my hand away from touching my clothes, "You look great! You look normal." She smiles at me but the mention of 'normal' brings Megan O'Connor to my mind, specifically, her thoughts on the average english citizen. I shake the thought of her crazy philosophy of 'pure bloodlines' bullshit away. "Oh, look! There they are!" April tells me, tugging me towards Zayn and Mia. Zayn, too, was wearing 'normal' clothes. In fact, nearly the same outfit. We both look at each other head to toe before he rolls his eyes.

"Are you kidding me, Styles? Are you seriously wearing the same outfit as me, right now!" he says, pointing out that we are both wearing black jeans, white tee shirt, and some sort of jacket with desert boots. "First you get the same tie as me, and now this. I want to go home, I feel stupid now."

Mia shoves him for being ridiculous which only makes him pout. "Get a grip, Zayn. First off, Harry had the tie first and you liked it so much you had me run out and buy it for you. Second, everyone in this stadium is wearing the same outfit as you—you aren't original." Mia steps down and gives April a welcoming kiss before also giving me one.

While we wait for the graduation commencement to start, Mia and April make small talk. I look at her, all happy and bubbly and I feel bad because she wasted so much time at the pub waiting for someone on the list to show up. She finally called me at 5:00 PM saying she couldn't eat anything else, and Clive didn't think any of those girls were going to show up. I owed her big time, she was so loyal. A part of me wishes I could fall in love with her the way I did Madison. I can't imagine April saying the stuff Mads said to me, and I don't think I would feel shitty whenever I was around her.

"You okay, mate?" Zayn asks, pulling me out of my head space.

"Yeah... Just thinking about Madison and where I went wrong."

"Mate," he says sympathetically, "You two always had an expiration date. Mads is a great girl, don't get me wrong, but she isn't the one for you. I knew it, Carly knew it, Brendon, and especially Mia. That's why she was so weird about you guys in the beginning, because she knew someone was going to get hurt. It's hard to make things work with people who didn't grow up the way we did," he confesses. "Mia? I got lucky with her. Madison would have fought you every second of every day, constantly beating you up because of your job and what role you play in the world. She doesn't understand, though. This... this business is the world we grow up in, so much that it's literally a part of us and we can't just leave. It isn't an option. After everything you have been through, you just need someone who complements you, supports you, but most of all, understands you. You deserve to be understood, because your job, your past, your present, and your inheritance will affect every single life choice you make. You can't have someone tearing you down every single day. I know you talk about leaving Bolton and quitting your job and running away, but you and I both know you would never do that. You love it too much. You love it more than you hate it, and how can you hate yourself? You are Bolton."

"I'm almost 27, and soon I'll be 30," I sigh. "I'm sick of chasing girls and going home alone. I've spent so much time alone, and sometimes I think I'm going crazy. When I'm alone, I drink, and I spiral into this hole where I can't get out of until I wake up after passing out. At this rate, my liver is going to give out... I want what you have. I want someone nice, I want... I want to settle down. Maybe raise a family. You're right, I guess. I do enjoy what I do, sometimes. But even then, I feel like there has to be more to life? More to why I'm here. I want to contribute to the world... I want to love my wife and love my kids."