Rain | Harry Styles

5.7

'call out my name when i kiss you so gently.'

(call out my name - the weeknd)

-

H.

We were back in Manchester in what felt like an instant, and I immediately felt a sense of dread settle in the pit of my stomach as we descended onto the catwalk. The idea of what I was here for; tomorrow would be my mum's wedding. Tomorrow, I would watch my mum marry somebody she felt she was meant to be with, and maybe she was. Maybe Ben was for her what Ana was for me - that muse, that peak, that everything and all things. And if Ben loved her even a fraction of how much I loved Ana - then it was enough. That was an overwhelming amount of love, and though nobody would ever be deserving of my mum, he would be close enough.

I glanced over at Ana and Liam, the two of them lost in conversation as people started to get up from their seats, and I lifted my hand from Ana's leg. She turned to look at me, shooting me a weak smile which I attempted to return. Despite our never-ceasing intimacy, there was still the underlying tension due to the fact she was hiding something from me.

 We stepped off the plane and collected the luggage, Liam forcing me to carry his, unsurprisingly.

"You're a grown man, why can't you carry your own bloody bag?" I huffed at him, annoyed that I now wouldn't be able to carry Ana's bag for her, since it was virtually impossible to lug all three suitcases. 

"It's fine, H, give me mine," Ana shot me another smile and outstretched her hand to take her bag. I knew Ana didn't mind, since she was always insisting she carried her own bags anyway, but I liked doing it for her.

I looked at her for a moment, before sighing and handing her back her bag and gripping Liam's tightly in my spare hand as well as my own in the other, making sure I shot Liam a glare for whining about his bag first.

The cab ride was silent, mostly because Liam fell asleep within a few minutes of getting in the car, and I'd suddenly found myself unsure of what to say to Ana.

Her face was turned slightly away from me, eyes watching the surroundings outside of the cab as we passed them. Her face was bare and free from makeup, her hair tied back in a messy bun on top of her head, my hoodie enveloping her body. This was my favourite way to see her - without effort, and without worrying about her appearance. But I could see the slight off look in her eyes, making it pretty obvious something was wrong. She was still keeping something from me, and I was still pretending I didn't know it. In fact, I was still trying to move on from it - I knew I wouldn't be getting anything out of her, and I knew I shouldn't pester her. If anything were bothering her that was that big, she would tell me. If it was a big deal, and it could potentially affect me or her, or anybody close to her - she'd have confided in me. So really, there was no reason for it to keep eating away at me. 

"Hey," I whispered across to her, despite the fact that Liam was knocked out in the front seat and the driver was definitely paying no mind to us. Ana looked over at me, as I added, "C'mere."

She undid her seatbelt, shuffling over to the middle seat, and turning sideways, placing her legs in my lap. I rested my hand over her knee, drawing circles on her leg with my thumb as she watched me skeptically.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, resting her hand on my shoulder and bringing it to the nape of my neck.

"I'm-" I took a sharp intake, reminding myself not to keep bugging out about something that didn't matter. I knew I could ask her, and she wouldn't get angry at me for it - but I didn't want to be that boyfriend. And surely pushing wouldn't make me the best one. I wasn't sure - I'd never found myself in this position before now. I couldn't bring myself to be angry and pester her. "Yeah," I answered her instead, "just a bit nervous about tomorrow, I think.. are you okay?" I added.