Closeted.

Chapter Two -- Red and Realizations.

        "Fine." I stood up and she scrolled through the songs on her iPhone. She started one that I knew right away because she played it so much. Red by Taylor Swift.

        "How will this help me again?" I ask as we start to jump up and down and ungracefully flail around with our arms. We are terrible dancers. We are the most awkward looking things in the universe.

        When the first chorus came on we both started to shout sing into each other's faces, "Losing him was blue, like I'd never known. Missing him was dark gray, all alone. Forgetting him was like tryin' to know somebody you've never met. But loving him was red.... But loving him was-"

        June muted me with her lips and she stuck her tongue in my mouth. Oh, no. How did I not see this coming? First I asked her if she wanted to talk about my brake up and then we started dancing closer and closer until, well, this happened. Kissing her had minimal sparks to no sparks what-so-ever. It was kind of strange really, that she and Lauren were both like this. Now that I think about it, they were the only girls I've ever kissed. What if all girls are like this? For me, anyways. I wonder what it would be like to kiss the French Fry Boy... I thought. What? No. That's not right. I didn't think that. Why would I think that? It's not like I'm gay....Oh. My. God. What if...

        "Do you have a condom?" June asked pulling me back to reality.

        "Um...No.... Why would I need a condom?" I question, bemused.

        "Um...I don't know...To have sex, you idiot." She starts to pull her shirt over her head.

        "I-I just got out of a relationship..." I put my hand up to shield my eyes and give her privacy. I know breaking up with Lauren isn't the real reason why I don't want to do this. I'm just uninterested in having sex with her. I don't know why, but I just am. If you don't go through with this, you'll be proving that you're gay, I thought. That idea scared the shit out of me and I feel really horrible that it did. I had a gay friend. He had a boyfriend. With the same logic, I should be afraid of them. But I'm not. They're happy together, good for each other. I want what they have, I think and then immediately  correct myself. I want to be happy like them. I clear my throat, "I'll go buy some condoms. Bye, June. I'll be quick."

        "Okay." She said and laid back down on her bed.

+++

        My car was an old one. A very old rusty 1980-something Volkswagen Passat. At one point in time the thing must have been red, but the paint had faded to a pink-ish color. No one in their right mind would buy it in it's current condition. It had been my grandfather's, but when the state claimed him too blind / deaf to drive he gave it to me. And now I am forever stuck with it. I drive until I find the CVS and I park my car in one of the many spots open at this late an hour.

+++

        I easily find the condoms in between the birth-control pills and the pregnancy tests and I'm about to purchase my items and leave, when someone shouts, "Big Mac!" From the seductive tone in his voice and the junk food reference, I know who it is before I turn around.

        "French Fry!" I shout, trying to hid the box of condoms behind my lower back.

        "What are you doing here?" He asks and spots the condoms instantly.

        "They're for a friend." I blurt. Why can't I fess up? Why can't I tell him they're for me?.... Because I know what I'm going to do is going to be the wrong thing to do.

        "What? Oh.... I was actually checking out your junk. Not the condoms." He said and I feel my face burn instantly.

        "Oh." Is all I can manage to get out before rushing to pay for my 'friend's' condoms.

        "Yeah. I have to go. See you around some time?" He says as he walks away.

        "Yeah. Like school?" I say walking in the other direction towards my car.

        "I was thinking more along the lines of....a date?" He says as he scratches the back of his neck.

        "Yeah...I'd like that." I speak before we go our seperate ways. Wait what? My brain questions, but I say 'Fuck off, brain.' because I can't manage to get this stupidly giddy smile off of my lips. Until I remember that the condoms are for me, not my friend and that I have to face June. Well, that gets the smirk off my mouth damn fast.