Ride For You

' LET GO '

NICKI

Tossing and turning back and forth I was awaken by the door opening a bit revealing a shadow of a small body  . I turned my back to her facing the wall because I didn't want her to see me like this . I never want my kids to see me this way at all .

" Mommy . . Are you okay " She said with a shaking voice . I heard the door open more and footsteps approach me . I knew who it was immediately by the scent and I just wanted him to hold me . Never let me go .

" Let me speak to mommy alright princess ? " I heard her sniff and her little feet move away from the room . I felt the bed dip in and meek but his hand on my shoulder making me jump a bit . I looked at him in the corner of my eye and seen him shaking his head .

" I'm so sorry " He said rubbing my shoulder looking at me . He carefully moved my arms pulling me on his lap. He looked at me with so much hurt in his eyes . He rubbed my face scanning my scratches before looking down at my wrist making me look down putting them between my legs .

" I am truly . . From the bottom of my heart sorry " He said looking at me holding me with tears on the rim of his eyes. My breathing picked up thinking of everything that just happened making me burst into tears .

" You said you would never hurt me " I said between my cries as he shook his head making me look at him.

" Im s-" I stood up carefully getting off of his lap playing with my hands . I looked around the room trying to stop my tears from falling out of my eyes .

" You hurt me Rihmeek. You hurt me so bad to the core . . . . You missed their Doctor appointments . . You weren't there to hold my hand . You were there to make me feel special . You weren't there to hold me every night . You weren't their for their births . You weren't there for their birthdays . You weren't there through the stress . You. Weren't. There. " I said sternly wiping my tears . He stood up and tried to grab my hands but I backed up a bit .

" You weren't there through the beatings . You weren't there through the lying . You weren't there through the scars . The pain . You weren't there when .... you weren't there " I said beginning to break down again. I was about to fall to the ground but he caught me just in time falling on the floor with me . I heard him sniffing a bit and he put his head in the crock of my neck holding me tightly.

" I'm here . I'm here now . I'm so sorry baby I'm so sorry . " he said crying into my shoulder loudly while holding me.

Flashback

" how could you do this Rihmeek " I said starting to cry .

" we have have kids on the way and you go and do this " I said wiping my tears getting angry .

" baby I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry " I looked at him shaking my head .

" ...... did you fuck her " I said bluntly as he looked down shaking his head .

" that doesn't matter right n-"

" Did. You. Fuck. Her. " I said getting angry . He grabbed my hand looking at me with tears in his eyes .

" I love you nicki I love you so my-" I snatched my hands away from him shaking my head .

" ... regret in your tears while you taste them " I said while getting up grabbing my purse exiting out of the room.

After having a flashback I pushed him off lightly shaking my head . I can't do this to myself again . I can't keep getting hurt . I picked myself off of the floor and looked at him. He stood up and grabbed my hands looking at me.